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Monday, February 13, 2006

Got those low-down, we-aint-gonna-make no-gains-in this-midterm-election blues.

Midterm elections coming up.

Are the Dems gonna make any gains?

Prolly not anything significant, in your humble blogger’s opinion.
The problem: Politicians are to money as leaves are to the koala bear: something to eat, drink, sleep with, and crap on. To paraphrase P.J. O'Rourke. The only people giving money to Democrats nowadays, in meaningful amounts, anyway, are the Angry Left morons that litter America's monied classes- the entertainers both from Hollywood and from the media. In the immortal words of The Honorable Clarence D. "Doc" Long, "Them as has the gold, makes the rules".

And so, our lovable but clueless Democrat cousins are forced to make the kind of speeches Ed Asner wants to hear, so Ed Asner will give them dump trucks full of those sacks with the dollar bill signs on the side we all remember from the Ducktales cartoon. And thus, our poor (in spirit) Democratic brethren, wishing to be less poor (in flesh), are forced to adopt a campaign that can be stated, simply, as "Bush suX0rs!!!!!!!!!!eleventy!!"

This does not inspire confidence among your average American voter, no matter what it does for Sean Penn.

They aren't even very effective rabble-rousers and demagogues. The rhetoric is of the most tepid kind, preaching to the converted while sounding crazy to the undecideds. If I had been running Kerry's campaign in 2004, I'd have had the mob braying for blood before the DNC convention people started bowing up balloons. By August, I'd have had them burning Bush in effigy all along the Bible Belt.

Although in the end, those undecideds usually just end up voting for the candidate of the party their father always voted for. Or they stay home and don't vote at all. I love this country, but we are so gosh-darn stupid sometimes. But I digress.

The only chance the Democrats have of taking back even on branch of the legislature is to find some kind of crazy fearless stupid moderate independent maverick McCain type to run, one who can actually make a speech. Of course, he or she will be hated by most of the Democratic base, just as many conservatives hate McCain... or at least, hate about half of his positions.

The only thing Democrats have to be thankful for is the widely reported 10 or 12 former military types returning from Iraq or Afghanistan to run as Democrats. They sure as hell don't talk like Democrats, except that they're against the war. Maybe people will vote for them. And maybe the Dems can find some more.