Welcome to The New Chainik Hocker. I am your host, the eponymous Chainik Hocker, here to share news, reviews, pretty pictures, and silly opinions with you. Contact me at chainik DOT hocker AT gmail DOT com

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Other Side of the Immigration Debate

Over the past few months, no single issue has captivated Washington such as the battle over illegal immigration. Both parties are scurrying to find the combination of border security and protection to illegals already in the country that will resonate with voters.

President Bush, historically an immigration moderate, has called for 6,000 National Guard troops to be temporarily deployed upon the Mexican border, and various proposals call for a triple-layered security fence and increased patrolling.

While illegal immigration poses a multitude of economic and security risks, what all sides of the debate are ignoring is how our proposed policies are effecting the political climate in Mexico.

Right now, Mexico has a generally pro-American, center-right party in power, headed by President Vincente Fox. Fox’s successor, Felipe Calderón, is currently fighting for the presidency with the leftist Andrés Manuel Lopéz Obrador. Mr. Obrador is a skillful politician whose populist ideology makes him very popular among Mexican workers. More disturbingly, Mr. Obrador is allied to other leftwing dictators in Latin America, including Venezuela’s thuggish Hugo Chévez and Cuba’s Fidel Castro.

Mr. Calderón and Mr. Obrador are squaring off in this July’s presidential elections, and at this point, the race is too close to call either way. While Calderón has a single digit lead in the polls, Mexicans are reacting very negatively to the talk of National Guard troops on the border. Anti-Americanism is one of Mr. Obrador’s fundamental campaign mantras, and as talk of militarizing the border increases here in America, so does support for Mr. Obrador.

This rising tide of support is a far graver danger than any realize. Much of Latin America has come under the influence of leftist dictators who are committed to challenging American global interests. Recent elections have put Chávez allies into power in Peru, Argentina, and Bolivia. Cold War relic Daniel Ortega is favored in the Nicaraguan presidential polls, and even traditionally pro-American Columbia has moved into Chávez’s corner.

Chávez has drawn an increasingly confrontational course with Washington, and his frequent overtures to China and India mean that one day he might be able to cut off the sale of Venezuela’s priceless oil to the United States—a move which would be catastrophic for the American economy.

All of this means that the United States cannot afford a staunch Chávez-style demagogue and adversary to assume power just across the Rio Grande. Whatever the security threat posed by illegal immigration, the infinitely graver danger is to allow a man who seeks to damage American interests to take power next door. There is no easy solution for illegal immigration, but American policymakers need to immediately take into consideration the potential ramifications of American actions and monitor Mexican public sentiment to gauge what the Mexicans will tolerate and what they will not. If we actively promote Chávez’s allies through fool-hearty measures, we will have no one to blame but ourselves if we suddenly face a Latin America that is every bit a diametrically opposed to our interests as the numerous totalitarian regimes that we are fighting to eliminate in the Persian Gulf.


Monday, May 29, 2006

Memorial Day 2006

In honor of Memorial Day, I purchased Medal of Honor: European Assault.

I learned something. I learned: war is hard. I must have died a bazzilion times. Even set to Ultimate Wimp Mode, all the Nazis in the world snuck up on me and shot me in the butt as I was trying to figure out how to jump over a log. Too many logs lying around in modern battlefields, in my opinion. Where's OSHA when you need them?

Fortunatly, I always got to start over, which is more than I can say for millions of Americans who made the ultimate sacrifice so I could have the freedom to play video games rated M... and to play those games in English, and not German, or Japanese, or Russian.

So, thanks.


Sunday, May 28, 2006

We knew Babe Ruth. We loved Babe Ruth. You, sir, are no Babe Ruth.

From Drudge:

Bonds Passes Babe With Home Run No. 715

Well, congratulations are in order, of course. It is an enormous accomplishment.


When it comes time to make a movie about Bonds' life- and that time will come- who will play Bonds? Some big muscly dark skinned action hero type, possibly this guy.

When they made a movie about The Babe's life, whom did they ask to play him? That's right. Possibly the most underrated actor of our generation, Mr. John Goodman.

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Looks pretty good, doesn't he? Let's compare.

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Yep. Pretty close. Good old fat shlubb of a King Ralph John Goodman played Mister Cigar Chomping Hot Dog Eating Alchaholic Womanizer Babe Ruth.

If they had put Ruth on Atkin's and stuck him with a personal trainer, how many homers would he have hit?

I think there's only one thing left to say.

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End sport-related rant. Political snarkiness resumes.


Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Which Simpson's character are you?

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader...

Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer

You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps

Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?


Monday, May 22, 2006

Welcome to the United States of North America, can I take your order?

Now, this is surprising.

Apparently, 10% of Mexican citizens live in the United States.

Allow that to sink in, shall we?

Imagine two million, five hundred thousand Americans moving to, say, Brazil.

That is a large portion of the population.So large, in fact, that I say its useless to fight it.From now on, lets call ourselves The United States of North America. We should send the Army into Mexico City and Ottawa, force them to pull down the statues of national heroes, and install a Starbucks every fifteen feet. Because, hey, I like coffee, and, hey, who's going to stop us?

Mexicans will approve of the plan, because now all Mexicans will be eligible for free healthcare, welfare, Social Security, a public school system with the highest levels of edutainment in the world, and Paris Hilton. They will have equality under the law and a law worth being equal under. They will be part of the greatest, richest, most powerful nation the planet has ever known. They will have four channels of MTV, two channels of VH1, and innumerable HBO affiliates.

Yes, I know America, officially speaking, has no national healthcare system. But we have a de facto national healthcare system in that it is illegal to turn anyone away from an emergency room due to lack of insurance. I've seen people go to an ER for aspirin, a toothache, a splinter. So, we have all the benefits of a free healthcare system- free healthcare- and none of many horrible drawbacks- beurocracy and that whole "planned economy takes away the incentive to work better" thing.

Now, the benefits to Canadians may be harder to see. But, hey, come on, they're Canadians. Just tell them "next Olympics, you can have black people play for your team in basketball! You may even find out what it feels like to win a gold medal!" (For you Non Americans out there wondering what it feels like to have your national team win a gold medal in Olympic Basketball, allow me to share the following with you: it feels freakin' sweet).

If they still object, just point behind them and say, "look, a moose! and he is carrying a sign saying "Cnadaada suX0rs" in English but not in French!

Meese can't spell very well, so the Canadians will totally believe this. Also, the French Canadians, or Quobecoises (motto: Even we can't spell that word, and we made it up in 1967) get seriously cheesed off (frommaged sur plus dans) when someone dares speak English, but after many decades of fierce negotiation, they grudgingly allowed the English speaking Canadians to print signs in English, assuming matching text is printed in French. And then they must wrestle a Maple Leaf Monster. While juggling hockey pucks.

Which leads me back to my point, which I'll recall as soon as I scan up a few lines in the text.

Meese? That can't be right. Meeses, maybe.

Oh, yeah, my point is, just tell the Canadians that if they join the United States of North America, we will immediately deport all the French Canadians to Mars and distribute a free can of spray paint to every teenager ages 14-17 who promises to spray paint over any bit of printed French visible in public.They'll rush to join.

We'll get the Mexicans to make the spray paint. They work cheap.