Welcome to The New Chainik Hocker. I am your host, the eponymous Chainik Hocker, here to share news, reviews, pretty pictures, and silly opinions with you. Contact me at chainik DOT hocker AT gmail DOT com

Thursday, July 27, 2006


I know I haven't been blogging much.

I am on the cusp of a life changing event.

I can't tell you what it is, but believe you me- momentous.

I haven't slept properly in, like, weeks.

I have in my possesion, now, an object which cost me almost 4 times what car did (a 2001 Camry with a bazillion miles on it, so it isn't that much money- still, the most money I've ever spent at once).

I spend all my time wanting either to dance or throw up ('dance' usually wins).

I ca't even argue with idiots on the interwebs about politics, a passion which used to take all my free time.

I'll be less enigmatic on August 7th, because I gotta wait till then and therefore so do you, faithful reader.

Until then, this is Chainik Hocker saying: homina homina homina homina homina homina.


Thursday, July 13, 2006

The matziv is mamesh shver, rabosai. Hashem yishmor.

I know I don't usually Jblog, but this is too much. Both Russia and France celebrated Shiv'ah Asar b'Tammuz by kvetching that the attacks against Lebanon were a "disproportionate act of war". Meanwhile, one woman was killed in Nahariya by a katushya.

Life-Of-Rubin asks that we all pray, and posts this kapitel tehillim:
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I have dozens of friends and relatives in harm's way tonight. I'll be davening, and I hope you will too.


Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Rumsfeld arrives in Afghanistan; 30 Taliban killed

Headline from Yahoo News.

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At a press conference, Secretary Rumsfeld said "How about that, eh? Eh? Thirty, by gum! Not bad for a 72 year old man, eh? Eh? Bare hands, too! No strangling gloves or nothing! It's my birthday present for Dubya. Happy sixtieth, Mr. President!"

When asked if he'd lost his cotton-pickin mind, The Secretary of Defense stated "In my day, a cabinet member murdering the enemies of our country wasn't actually quite this newsworthy an event, ya know.

I recall as a boy hearing the bloodcurdling screams of Nazi U Boat crews being dragged from their ships in the middle of the night by an enraged Franklin Roosevelt. He’d paddle his wheelchair into the Atlantic Ocean, smelling for Nazi. And then, like some Lovecraftian nightmare, he’d latch onto the side of a submarine, tear it open like a soda can, disembowel the sailors, drink their blood, and eat their intestines. That’s what gave him strength, you know.

Then some pinko bleeding heart fellow traveler comsymp wuss decided it might make bad propaganda, having an insane cannibal monster running the country… poor Franklin couldn’t feast on the living bodies of his enemies, anymore. Poor man just wasted away.

Fortunately his right hand man was crazy as he was. This is back in the day when Democrats were allowed to have cojones and were allowed to love their country. Nowadays, of course, we have Zoloft and stem cell research…”

Mr. Rumsfeld then stared off into space for several minutes. One of the reporters at the press conference finally worked up the courage to ask if it wasn’t beneath the Secretary of Defense’s dignity to engage in active murder while in office. Mr. Rumsfeld rerplied “I’m going to tell you exactly what I told Colin Powell. If you call me the Secretary of Defense one more time I am going to kill you, your family, your friends, your pets, your casual acquaintances, everyone on your IM buddy list, and all your MySpace friends. I. Am. The. Secretary. Of. War! NOT THE SECRETARY OF DEFENCE! ONLY WIMPY CRYBABY NATIONS LIKE FRANCE HAS SECRETARIES OF DEFENCE RRAAAAAAAGGGGHHH! RUMSFELD MAD! RUMSFELD SMASH!”

The press conference broke up soon after that.


Sunday, July 09, 2006

Monday, July 03, 2006

New Slogan Time.

Out Of The Strong Came Forth Chainik.

Check out Sloganizer.

H/T Ahistoricality.

I'm thinking of changing "the chair is against the wall" for my tagline, except I still get a good three hits a month from people Googling it, and three hits a month is nothing to sneeze at, for me.

So, blog contest. Whta shall I change my tagline to? Shall it be changed at all?

Extra special bonus points if you can identify the source for "the chair is against the wall". No fair Googling.