Pimp my Gun!

Welcome to MTV's Pimp my Gun. With your host, Xzibit!

Hi, and welcome to MTV's Pimp my Gun. Let's meet Ranger Smith.

Ranger Smith: Hi, Xzibit. I'm a Park Ranger, and I need something with a lot of firepower, but it can't clash with my uniform.

Squirrels getting bad? No. It's that bear. He smarter than the av-er-age bear, and he keeps getting into pic-a-nic baskets. I want that sumbitch's pelt for a rug. Him and his little Boo-Boo. Pedophilic, kleptomaniacal bears piss the hell out of me. Well, that's certainly understandable, sir. We have just the thing for you. It's a carbine in green and tan, just like your uniform.

Happy hunting.

Up next we have Carl "C.J" Johnson.

Hi, Xzibit. Nice to be here. I'm a huge fan.

Now, as an average, run of the mill thug, I didn't really see the need for flashy showmanship. Then I went to jail, and I learned the value of making a bold statement from my cellmate and "prison wife", Ken Lay. Kenny Boy is the former CEO of a Fortune 500 company, and to forstall me raping him like a Catholic chiorboy, he used to lecture me on leadership and management techniques. I must say, I learned quite a bit from Kenny Boy. In fact, I've been inspired to initiate a hostile takeover of my old gang, now that I've been released from prison (thank you, Democrats!).

One of the manegement techniques Ken stressed was flair and style. I'm looking for a signature personal weapon with a high rate of fire and unique styling.

Can you find me a weapon that matches my outfit? I want to smoke some bitches and look good while doing it.

Um. You're just wearing a floppy hat and some jeans.You got some kind of problem? How about I waste you right now, mofo? Uhhh... no, no, I don't got no problems...

Let's see what we have.

How's that? Very nice. Kenny would be gratified that I've taken his lessons to heart. Do you have a weapon for my ho as well?

Ooh, do I get a gun too, CJ? I wanna pretty gun!

Sheesh. Let's see what we have for the lady... It has a cellphone charger, too.

Well, that's all for MTV's Pimp my Gun; join us next week as we pimp the guns of Dick Cheney and Machine Gun Kelly.

(theme music)

Credits:

Larson Tactical
Glockmeister