The New Chainik Hocker

Meme time.

2008-01-20T23:40:00.000-05:00

Sinister Dan over at the The Reasonable Ego posted this one. I'll let him explain it.

The meme is ‘Make a Band’, or ‘Make an Album’ depending on who you ask.

The steps are simple:

1. Go to Wikipedia and hit the random page function; this is the name of your band.

2. Similarly, go to QuotationsPage.com and take the last four words of the very last quote; this will be you album title.

3. Finally, go to this link at Flickr and use the third image; this is your album cover.

Here's what I came up with:

Wow. Great band name, awesome quote, incredibly spooky cover art... and I go and screw it up by using a lolcat generator to put it all together. I suck.

What's worth doing is worth doing for money.

2008-01-20T23:19:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been working at Big & Huge Electronics for a few months now, and let me say, it's been an experience.

This is my first retail job. Previously, I had experienced the holiday season from the outside, as a consumer. Let me tell you, it's craziness.

First off, Big & Huge hired me as a product specialist, specifically to sell security cameras. So naturally they stuck me in Pro Video, where I had zero knowledge. So I hung around and watched the other salespeople and learned a few things about film making and cameras and workflow and non-linear editing and so forth. I've broadened my knowledge base. And I've learned some valuable things. Specifically, I've learned how to be a BS artist. At least once a week, someone asks me what camera I shoot with or offers me a job on a movie shoot. And I have to tell them that I have only the sketchiest idea of what it is the cameras are for.

I've also learned a good deal of human behavior, working at Big & Huge. Specifically, I've learned that people are nuts. Over 5,000 people walk through our doors on an average, off-season day, so if even 10% of them are nuts that's still 500 whackadoos and half of them seem to want to talk to me. Seriously, I keep a bottle of Purell in my vest pocket, and frequently feel the need to wash my hands. Working in the security camera department I get a lot of perverts who want to buy cameras hidden in teddy bears. Which I then sell them, of course.

Bottom line, though- this is, by far, the best job I've ever had. I'm happy. Not content, or too lazy to look for a better job, or apathetic- genuinely happy in my work.

Ain't that something?

The Jordanian Question: Part 1

2008-01-10T00:03:00.000-05:00

The first piece in an on-going personal exploration of radical Islam in Jordan.

Over the next few months, I'll be posting a several part investigation into radical Islam in Jordanian society. Most of this will come from a lengthy background essay of mine on the topic. The series will culminate with a report during the mid-summer when I return from a Tufts University Joint Research Project, in coordination with the United States Service Academies at West Point, Annapolis, and Colorado Springs, on this very matter. We will be interviewing college students, government officials, and similar sources to ascertain a better picture of what is going on in Jordan today. I don't have the slightest clue where our investigation will lead us, but suffice it to say, it should be very interesting indeed. Here then, is part one.

Jordan has a long history of supporting Western interests and cooperating on matters of war and peace, especially in the post 9/11 environment. Jordan has been an invaluable ally and bastion of moderation in a region which is increasingly seeing polarization between autocratic regimes and jihadist opposition. While the Jordanian Monarchy exercises more control over Jordanian society than we would find to be democratic, the traditional American foreign policy calculation has been that the Hashemites are worth supporting because they favor American interests in the region. Consequently, it’s worth examining the society the Hashemites have created and seeing if in fact the Hashemite have fostered a society which is worth such vast levels of U.S. support.

In examining the success of the U.S.-Jordanian relationship, one of the most important factors to consider is the radicalization of the Jordanian population itself. If Islamism has taken hold in Jordan, despite the Monarchy’s pro-Western orientation, that would present cause for serious concern. On the surface, this appears not to be the case. The Jordanian political arena ostensibly is more stable than that of, for example, Egypt, and jihadist violence by domestic political parties seems minimal. How Jordan has avoided the widespread political violence which has engulfed so many Middle Eastern states is one of the most important comparative questions of today. Unlike most of the “moderate” Arab states, Jordan has sought to include the Islamist opposition within mainstream society. As in many Arab states, the Islamist opposition in Jordan is the Muslim Brotherhood. The Jordanian chapter of the organization was formed in 1945 and from the beginning, the Jordanian Brotherhood renounced violence as a tool to institute Islamist society. The Brotherhood has enjoyed a curious relationship with the Monarchy, in which the Brotherhood historically has been able to criticize the King—even severely at times—while it has stayed within the bounds of political opposition and has not directly challenged the legitimacy of the Monarchy.

The Jordanian Brotherhood began with a focus on social issues that allowed it to advocate for Islamist policies while posing no threat to the Monarchy. As the Brotherhood gained grassroots support throughout Jordan, it was able to gradually increase the scope of its priorities to include issues such as the Palestinian question and the Monarchy’s pro-Western agenda. As the Brotherhood increased the scope of its issues, it also increased the scope of its operations. The Monarchy has traditionally allowed the Brotherhood to run candidates for elected office, and the Brotherhood has also taken to reaching out to civil society groups such as labor and professional organizations in order to expand its reach. The Brotherhood now commonly runs its members for the boards of different labor organizations in an attempt to cut across traditional cleavages in Jordanian society and expand its member base. In fact, professional and labor organizations have become some of the Brotherhood’s most important outlets for dissent. The government generally tolerates this circuitous method of political criticism and allows for alternative opinions to be expressed so long as they do not cross the line and leave the realm of the loyal opposition. As a result, the Jordanian Brotherhood and its political offshoot, the Islamic Action Front (IAF) have traditionally stayed within the regime’s defined boundaries and seldom ventured beyond the line of what is commonly acknowledged as acceptable behavior.

Alone in the dark with my thoughts.

2008-01-01T20:03:00.000-05:00

Being a father is seriously weird. It seems as though my wife was born knowing how to do all this stuff- as if motherhood is hardwired in the female DNA. I, on the other hand, am flailing helplessly through a sea of diapers and bottles and teeny tiney itty bitty little clothes.

First off, the hospital. After 30 hours and two epidurals, we have a screaming, slimey, blueish purpleish screaming thing, with toes that resemble nothing more than corn niblets, microscopic brownish-red nails, way more hair than I expected, and enormous dark eyes.

He looked at me. Right there in the delivery room. Everyone told me he wouldn't open his eyes for a few days, that he won't be able to see much more than light and dark for the first few months, but dagnabbit that boy looked me right square in the eye and held my gaze, like stout Cortez, when with eagle eyes he star'd at the Pacific and feverishly calculated the cost of all that beachfront property.

He looked at me as if to say, well, here I am. What are you gonna do now, tough guy?

First off, I blubbered like a beauty pageant winner. And then I got to work.

Here is this tiny person, I mean an actual functional tiny human being, completely helpless and totally dependent on you for all his bodily needs. That right there is an enormous amount of pressure. That's why I got this new job at Big & Huge Electronics. Good pay, good benefits, good promotion prospects.

I'm hoping I don't screw it up.

What would happen if I lost my job? What would happen if I got hit by a bus? What would happen if there was a sudden zombie apocalypse and we had to make a run to the Arctic Circle, shooting thousands of zombies while roaring through Canada in our armored Winnebago packed to the roof with canned food and diapers and ammo and Adam Sandler DVDs and perhaps a fellow survivor or two. Hell, I don't even have life insurance or a machine gun.

These are the things I worry about on the 2 hour commute home from work. I sit there in the dark, crammed on a bus with my fellow proles snoring around me as we barrel down the Garden State Parkway at a speed just a little over the limit, leaning side to side as we zip in and out of traffic. I sit in the dark and I worry about economic downturns, and biological warfare, and terrorist attacks, and why the bus driver feels it necessary to smoke all that crack right before we leave the Port Authority bus terminal.

I worry about being a bad father. I worry about the screaming, irrational, abusive maniac I know is buried somewhere deep inside of me, and whether it will ever come out. I worry about not being able to provide for my son.

I worry about being a bad role model.

But then I come home, and I pick my son up, and he smiles at me. Honest injun. I know, it's just gas, but it isn't, because he only does it when I smile at him.

And everything is alright.

Update

2007-12-30T22:14:00.000-05:00

Wow, I haven't posted in, like, two months. And that was only a quicky post to let you guys know about the release of Chainik ver. 2.0

Where to begin?

First of all, I got me a new job at a place I'll refer to simply as Big & Huge Electronics. It's a good job with great pay and awesome benefits and terrific colleagues and if I didn't have to commute 2 hours each way for my ten-hour-long shift life would be totally awesome.

Mrs Chainik and I are slowly getting used to Chainik 2.0. He's loud. Very loud. He has a way of making his displeasure at the world known quit efficiently despite his total lack of a vocabulary, much like Wall Street analyst Jim Cramer. Luckily for the kid, he's been able to stave off a bout of drunken, unfit-parent-initiated neglect by being so cute I could just kill myself. He looks mostly like his mother, except for the enormous Chainik nose, which has been laboriously passed down from father to son from time immemorial, like our hair-trigger tempers and tendency for diabetes. He smiles, though. Yes, everyone has told us that it's just gas, but he smiles in response to stimuli, such as his father smiling at him, tickling him under his chin, and saying things like "you cost more that a used Honda in decent condition, you screaming, eating poop machine!" in a big, smiley, Sesame Street voice. He even laughed at us, twice.

I'll try to update more often, okay?

It's a boy!

2007-11-11T18:08:00.000-05:00

7 pounds, eleven ounces.

51 and a half centimeters.

I'm not too good with the metric system, but I think that 51.5 cm is, like, three parsecs and a hogshead.

He has my nose, poor thing. Kid had a fifty-fifty chance and lost. He did get his mother's ears, though.

I have to get back to the hospital, now.

Man, the miracle of birth is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

2007-08-09T11:14:00.000-04:00

I just paid $2.51 a gallon for regular unleaded in Lakewood NJ. Double w00t.

Al Qaeda's Newst Recruiter

2007-08-08T12:48:00.000-04:00

California Senator Dianne Feinstein recently sponsored an amendment to the 2008 Defense Authorization Bill which would close down the Defense Department’s detention center in Guantanamo Bay and prohibit the practice of rendition, in which prisoners are shipped to states whose interrogation techniques are more, well, direct. The effect of the Feinstein Amendment would be to integrate jihadist detainees into the federal prison system where they would receive further legal protections. Presumably, the good folks at the American Bar Association would rush to the defense of these misunderstood individuals and put up a spirited legal defense in the name of the rule of law.

What in fact the Feinstein Amendment shows is that a significant portion of the American legislative community is dangerously ignorant to even the most fundamental aspects of counter-insurgency warfare. If the Feinstein Amendment passes—which, fortunately, it likely will not—al Qaeda and other jihadist groups would be irreparably strengthened in what would be a cataclysmic abdication of all semblance of rational policy.

Reasonable minds can differ on subjects such as Guantanamo Bay and the legal status of jihadist detainees. The legal community, while misguided, can be patriotic while insisting that greater access to legal resources be provided to detainees. What is not patriotic, nor rational, is granting al Qaeda unhindered access to the ideal recruitment demographic on a permanent basis. The unwavering lesson of every insurgency in history is that prison is the ideal recruitment ground for insurgent factions. Prisoners are necessarily in constant communication with each other, and all it takes is one radical to evangelize the message of radicalism amongst a population which is already at odds with the government.

Simply put, there is no better recruiting ground than prison. Every insurgency—from the IRA famously training and conducting exercises behind British prison bars in full defiance of powerless guards, to the terrible school of French Indo-China, to the FLN radicalizing common Algerian criminals against the French, has directly utilized the unparalleled access that prison provides to convert and radicalize its target demographic. If you put members of terrorist cells in standard prisons, they will recruit more followers. There’s no gray area here: either we want to contribute further to the propagation of jihadist ideology or we wish to isolate the Islamist prophets of doom from the general population—especially the segments which would most receptive to these ideas.

The genius of Guantanamo Bay is that it segregates insurgents from the rest of prison population. Individuals in Guantanamo (with the few inevitable exceptions) are already radicalized and consequently no harm is done in detaining them. However, the minute that radical population is mixed with common inmates, the jihadists will have scored a tremendous victory on a scale far greater than September 11th ever was. If one purposely set out to loose a counter-insurgency, the absolute first thing one would do would be to provide guerrillas the human resources that are the sinews of any insurgency. Senator Feinstein, has, unwittingly, proposed this very thing.

But who's on first?

2007-08-08T01:32:00.000-04:00

Chuck Cedar: We're looking for somebody. Longfellow Deeds.
Murph: Wow! Is that's Deeds's first name?
Cecil Anderson: Well, if the Deeds you're referring to is Longfellow Deeds, then yes, that is Deeds's first name.
Murph: Well, I don't know Deeds's first name, maybe it's Greg.
Cecil Anderson: Maybe it's Longfellow.
Murph: Maybe. But I don't know. I know another guy named Greg. You want me to call him up?
Chuck Cedar: No! Thank you. Please. Just tell us where Deeds lives.

Mr Deeds

Breaking news:

2007-08-07T22:16:00.000-04:00

Big career news for Chainik Hocker? Stay tuned.

Simpsons Movie Review (extended).

2007-08-05T20:48:00.000-04:00

Just saw the Simpsons movie and it was a big bowl of awesome covered in awesome sauce with extra awesome on the side. Go see it.

Spoilery nitpickiness follows:

I guess the writers were so elated at the thought of not having to follow the rules and regulations the FCC imposes on the televised version of the Simpsons, they felt the need to break a rule or two, just because they could. Unfortunately, the naughtiness they come up with seems forced and unnatural and tacked on and unnecessary. It just doesn't fit, aside from Homer flipping a lynch mob the double-barreled bird. Marge utters a mild profanity under extreme stress.

After an extended (and utterly brilliant and utterly Simpsons) sequence in which Bart skateboards in the nude, with various objects shielding our tender eyes from having to view his animated junk, we actually do see the Simpson Family Jewels. Yeah, it was amusing, because the animators played with our expectations, but come on- Bart is a ten year old, after all. I didn't need to see that.

Minor quibbles, really. The movie really adds something to the Simpson world- it isn't just an 86 minute long TV episode. Marge and Homer's relationship evolve, as does Bart's relationship with Homer.

Worth the wait.

2007-08-02T21:01:00.000-04:00

My very pregnant wife is having a craving for cantaloupe ice cream. Does such a product exist? My life may depend on the answer.

It's important to cover all possibilities.

2007-08-01T09:03:00.000-04:00

Marty McFly: That's right, Doc. November 12, 1955.
Doc: Unbelievable, that old Biff could have chosen that particular date. It could mean that, that point in time inherently contains some sort of cosmic significance. Almost as if it were the junction point for the entire space-time continuum. On the other hand, it could just be an amazing coincidence.

Back to the Future, Part II

2007-07-30T23:59:00.001-04:00

Just paid $2.61 per gallon for gas in Lakewood. w00t.

T3h j00 pix!!!

2007-07-29T22:33:00.000-04:00

Just some pictures of Jewish interest I've snapped on my way here and there, mostly with my cellphone.

A kosher pizza store in Lakewood. The sign is vague, ominous, and includes a threat but no specifics- no time or date or even how much more my mushroom and onion on whole wheat is gonna cost. The Department of Homeland Security needs to hire these guys to do PR.
Dougie's parking lot in Woodbourne, New York. The sign, in Yiddish, says 'No Littering'.
'And thou shall eat, and thou shall be satiated, and thou shall bless thy L-rd- and thou shall pay thine tab'. Milk and Honey Bistro, Baltimore MD.
One of these things just doesn't belong here... one of these things just isn't the same.
B.B. King, Marvine Gaye, Eric Clapton, Steppenwolf, James Brown, and... Sisqo. Adding insult to injury, the sign said something like "best music of the 20th Century" (I'm paraphrasing here). WalMart, Howell, NJ.
I'm not sure if this is a sculpture meant to represent the spirit of industry or a pile of crap some contractor left behind by mistake after the building was done. Outside the National Aquarium at Baltimore, Baltimore MD

Okay, those last two had little or nothing to do with Judaism, except that all Jews are snarky wiseguys who have to criticize everything. If you don't like it, get your own blog.

Test post

2007-07-29T22:28:00.001-04:00

Testing, testing...

Isn't this cool.

That's it... the final straw... I will not be voting for John F. Kerry in 2004.

2007-07-26T09:24:00.001-04:00

Frank J. is back, and on the top of his game!

That quote is fake, of course. The real quote is far, far worse. Mwahahahaahahahahahahahaha.

clipped from www.imao.us

I'm an advocate for politicians using more humor to better relate with the public, but Best of the Web alerted me to a good example of how a complete lack of a sense of humor can make a politician look like a total moron. The Boston Globe did a fluff piece asking famous Bostonians who their favorite Simpsons character is, and here is John Kerry's answer:

KERRY: "Simpson, eh... wasn't he that colored man who stabbed his wife?"

Passaic PD vs Passaic Hatzolah

2007-07-19T10:04:00.000-04:00

Passaic City officials and the director of a Jewish ambulance service are addressing new tensions that have erupted following a clash with police who attempted to tow an ambulance this week. On Sunday, resident David Kaplan, 25, who founded the local branch of Hatzolah, an international ambulance corps staffed by volunteers in many Orthodox Jewish neighborhoods, confronted police who had ticketed an ambulance parked the wrong way on Reid Avenue. The site is around the corner from Hatzolah headquarters at 243 Van Houten Ave. A group of people congregated in front of the ambulance about 11 a.m. as five police cars and a tow truck arrived at the scene, Kaplan said. The tow-truck operator was unable to move the ambulance because of its size, he said.

Hah. Whaddya wanna bet the cops called the tow truck guy to the scene and the tow truck guy made up some excuse so he wouldn't have to tow a freaking ambulance, because people need ambulances to not die.

Mayor Samuel Rivera said he was on the scene Sunday and thought the ambulance volunteers acted "belligerently" and that perhaps police responded too harshly.

I'd be belligerent too, if someone was trying to tow my piece of vital lifesaving equipment. And, perhaps, the police responded too harshly? If the cops would have summarily executed everyone at the scene and set the ambulance on fire as a warning to others, that would have been way out of line, but just confiscating a volunteer medical unit is, maybe, a little too harsh. Depending on your perspective, of course.

"They were going to be towed because they were parked in a dangerous position," Rivera said.

That dangerous position: parked the wrong way on a one way street, which is something everybody does, even people not driving emergency response vehicles.

Rivera said he met Monday with Kaplan and Paton to try to resolve friction between police and the volunteers. "I'm trying to work with them. My goal is for them to work with our [the city's] EMS," Rivera said, adding that part of the frustration with Hatzolah goes back more than two years.

Which sure sounds like an unbiased statement to me.

In addition, the city has offered Hatzolah use of city EMS headquarters to park Hatzolah's ambulances, but Hatzolah has rejected the city's offer, Rivera said. "They say they like to have ambulances parked closer to the Jewish community," Rivera said.

How dare those uppity Jews want to park their ambulance close to where it's needed! The gall!

Idiots.

Link here.

2007-07-11T18:06:00.001-04:00

I am taking Mrs Chainik to see Harry Potter and the Gazillion Dollar Opening tonight. I'll try to post a review after.

Good night, funny mouse.

2007-07-02T23:49:00.000-04:00

You heard about the Mickey Mouse knockoff that they were showing on Palestinian kids' TV?

A giant black-and-white rodent — named "Farfour," or "butterfly," but unmistakably a Mickey ripoff — does his high-pitched preaching against the U.S. and Israel on a children's show run each Friday on Al-Aqsa TV, a station run by Hamas. The militant group, sworn to Israel's destruction, shares power in the Palestinian government. "You and I are laying the foundation for a world led by Islamists," Farfour squeaked on a recent episode of the show, which is titled, "Tomorrow's Pioneers." "We will return the Islamic community to its former greatness, and liberate Jerusalem, God willing, liberate Iraq, God willing, and liberate all the countries of the Muslims invaded by the murderers."

Yeah, that one.

Well, he's dead now, murdered by those evil Zionist oppressors.

Hamas TV on Friday broadcast what it said was the last episode of a weekly children's show featuring "Farfur," a Mickey Mouse look-alike who had made worldwide headlines for preaching Islamic domination and armed struggle to youngsters. In the final skit, Farfur was beaten to death by an actor posing as an Israeli official trying to buy Farfur's land. At one point, Farfur called the Israeli a "terrorist." "Farfour was martyred while defending his land," said Sara, the teen presenter. He was killed "by the killers of children," she added.

Wonderful.

That is all kinds of messed up, right there.

My theory on what happened: Disney's legendary legal department must have caught up with these guys, and they just decided to cease and desist themselves.

IPhone Nerds!

2007-07-01T12:31:00.000-04:00

I was in the mall with Mrs Chainik Friday, just chillaxin. We bought some maternity stuff, and I am just going to have to take my wife's word for it that simply buying normal stuff in larger sizes will not be sufficient.

While we were there, we passed by a group of hippies sitting in lawn chairs in front of the Gymboree. This confused me, as I hadn't heard that Phish was reuniting and playing the Freehold Raceway Mall (which has its own Wiki page? of course it does, what doesn't?). More hippies and nerds of various descriptions lined the walls of the mall. The mystery was solved when I got to the Apple store and remembered about the iPhone (looks like Apple has an employee in charge of editing wiki pages).

I went into the Apple Store to look around. I've never been to an Apple store before but I figured it couldn't be very different than any other of the countless computer stores I've ever been in. Boy was I wrong.

Have you ever seen an iPod? It was like that but in retail form. Everything was clean and white and perfectly proportioned and beautifully lit. The bright lights illuminated squeaky clean, helpful, knowledgable, interestingly multiculti staff. I looked at some of the computers there. Did you know that Apple laptops only have one mouse button? How the hell does that work? And the computers look pretty, like desk lamps designed by Frank Gehry. What in the hell? Computers need to look big and clunky and kludgy and functional, like they came out of the boiler room of a Russian submarine. This place looked like Dell had been bought by Ikea.

What a good metaphor. I need to write that down somewhere.

My cellphone is the Motorola Q. It's PC based, with Windows CE (which means it crashes about three times a week, badum-pshh!). It's very awesomely cool, and I get compliments on it wherever I go.

Okay, that last part was a filthy rotten lie. But I still like having a cellphone with an enormous screen and a full sized keyboard and a 1.3 megapixel camera and rotten battery life and the ability to hack into the registry and change stuff.

Mrs Chainik couldn't understand why people would stand in line for a $500 cellphone.

The lonely, misunderstood life of a nerd, I suppose. If only they had girlfriends.

On a related note, some lady in Texas decided to buy a whole big bunch of iPhones so she could sell them on eBay. She got $10,000 in cash and drove to an Apple store, where she paid the nerd who was first in line $800 cash to take his place.

The punchline?

Apple, unlike Sony, placed a 1-per-customer limit on purchases the first day to ensure everyone got one. Mwahahahaha, lady got iPowned. Watch the video here:

What can Brown do for you?

2007-06-29T17:43:00.001-04:00

Earlier today, British officials discovered two parked cars filled with explosives in the heart of London. The devises were set to be trigged by cell phone and were placed in high traffic areas such as outside a nightclub. Government sources so far have pegged “international elements” to be responsible for the car bombs.

And so Gordon Brown faces his first great crisis only three days into office as Prime Minister. Two years ago, Tony Blair acted with steadfast resolve and moral clarity when his country was rocked by jihadist terrorism. Today, Gordon Brown must set the stage for how his government—and indeed the United Kingdom as a whole—will react to the forces of jihad in the post-Blair era.

Mr. Brown faces quite a challenge. The Muslim population of the UK is amongst the most radical in the world. According to the left-leaning Guardian periodical, Muslims in the UK are the most anti-western in Europe, and a full ¾ of the Islamic population of Great Britain blames jihadist activity on western disrespect of Islam.

Britain’s liberal immigration laws have allowed radical clerics to preach the doctrines of jihad in London mosques and now the country finds itself swamped with a radicalized population where it is easy to walk into any movie store in Islamic communities and purchase propaganda DVDs from al-Qaeda and other jihadist groups.

Under the leadership of Tony Blair, the United Kingdom was a steadfast ally against radical Islam despite its internal crisis. The attempted bombings of today are clearly a test to challenge the fortitude of Mr. Brown. Gordon Brown is a capable minister and a decent man—but he must meet the challenge presented to him head on and wage war with the forces that have attempted time and again to destroy everything that his society is predicated upon.

The response of the Brown government will be a clear indicator of how the UK will act years into the future. The British people will either retain their stubborn pride and finish the fight or they will slink silently back into the darkness. This is Gordon Brown’s moment. How he chooses to respond is up to him, but he would do well to remember the words of Ronald Reagan:

“During the dark days of the Second World War, when this island was incandescent with courage, Winston Churchill exclaimed about Britain's adversaries, ‘What kind of people do they think we are?’ Well, Britain's adversaries found out what extraordinary people the British are. But all the democracies paid a terrible price for allowing the dictators to underestimate us. We dare not make that mistake again. So, let us ask ourselves, ‘What kind of people do we think we are?’ And let us answer, "Free people, worthy of freedom and determined not only to remain so but to help others gain their freedom as well.”

It depends on what the meaning of 'rhetorical' is.

2007-06-27T14:13:00.000-04:00

Bats: Do you remember how to hot-wire a car?
Brick: Can the Pope dance?
Bats: Can the Pope dance?
Pepper: My Solly couldn't dance, poor thing- he had varicose veins like a Turnpike waitress.

The Crew

Rudy's Achilles Heel

2007-06-25T09:54:00.001-04:00

Everyone remembers the lightning striking the building when Rudy was explaining his... nuanced opinion about abortion, right?

Well, Ann Althouse calls this Kerry syndrome.

There's far more support out there for the merger of politics and religion than the separation of politics and religion. And yet, Giuliani is popular. So was Kerry (up to a point). What's different about Giuliani is that the disjunct between his religion and his politics is also a disjunct between his politics and his political party.

Can a barely religious Northerner get elected President? Conventional wisdom would say no. You have to be either genuinely religious if you're a Republican or you have to pander to the religious freaks if you're a Democrat if you want to get elected. Also, everyone knows only Southerners vote and they only vote for fellow Southerners.

But is it true?

My gut says no. My gut says that people will see Giuliani's convictions and abilities and qualifications, and look at Hilary's lack of convictions (alas) and Obama's lack of experience and substance, and will go Rudy.

Most people, after all, hold competing and contradictory opinions. I, for example, believe that homosexuality is a grave sin and I think the state has no business in the bedroom. I believe that we should give tax cuts to the rich- they create wealth, which creates business, which creates jobs, which creates wealth- and I also believe rich people are jerks who should be shot. I believe that most social services are a waste of taxpayer money and I also believe that many social services are vital. I support the death penalty and oppose abortion. I am glad that Saddam is dead and Chemical Ali has a date with the hangman, and
I am saddened immensely that any human being, anywhere, has to lose his life.
Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.

As for conventional wisdom-

The enemy of the conventional wisdom is not ideas but the march of events. John Kenneth Galbraith

Havel Havelim #122 is up.

2007-06-25T09:44:00.000-04:00

Good stuff, maybe the best one yet. Check out this post from blog-I've-never-heard-of Circus Tent: Money talks at BMG (the other gimmel tamuz)

I was wondering what shaichus a (not the... there is no the) Satmer Rebbe had to the BMG. The comments, as always when you get to any sinas chinam post, are fascinating.

Meshichists v. Na Nachs

2007-06-24T15:50:00.001-04:00

Meron... no place like it.

Movie Review: Big Nothing

2007-06-22T01:28:00.000-04:00

I just saw Big Nothing. I picked it up because it stars Simon Pegg, and the back of the dvd looked interesting.

Quick Review: it sucks enormously. If you are on a plane and this is the movie that they are showing, walk out.

Spoilers follow in super secret highlight-o-vision.

Natasha McElhone was completely unbelievable as a small town detective in Oregon. Everyone dies in this super violent crapfest, except it doesn't happen fast enough. I thought it was a comedy, but there are no jokes and very few ridiculous moments, although one character is murdered with one of those enormous lollipops, so that was cool. I thought David Schwimmer doesn't do a half bad job of the former professor with an unbelievable disease and poorly written dialogue.

I want my money back.

Wedding Legal Fun! I mean, Legal Wedding Fun! Fun Wedding Legal!

2007-06-21T19:11:00.000-04:00

DISCLAIMER: IANAL

How do you become qualified to be an officiant at a wedding? Legally speaking, I mean.

My Google-fu is strong. I found this list of qualifications to be allowed to officiate at weddings, organized by state. Fascinating reading, if you have the time. The common denominator is, you have to be part of the gubmint (either a judge, county clerk, clerk of the court, mayor, councilperson, what have you) OR you have to be some species of religious poobah muckety muck. Most states are quite liberal in their definition of "sky pilot".

Alaska allows a "commissioned officer of the Salvation Army" to preform a wedding. Connecticut specifically states that "marriages witnessed by a duly constituted Spiritual Assembly of the Baha'is are valid". Florida lets notary publics marry people. Guam keeps things simple by saying, simply "All ordained clergymen and priests of whatsoever religious faith who are recognized as such by the religious body whose faith they represent".

Hawaii lets members of Congress conduct weddings. Indiana, wanting to outdo Connecticut, recognizes "(6) The Friends Church, in accordance with the rules of the Friends Church. (7) The German Baptists, in accordance with the rules of their society. (8) The Bahai faith, in accordance with the rules of the Bahai faith. (9) The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in accordance with the rules of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. (10) An imam of a masjid (mosque), in accordance with the rules of the religion of Islam". A resident of Maine can be married in Maine by a lawyer and member of the Maine bar. Nevada allows even those authorized to preform marriages in other states to marry people in Las Vegas if they fill out a form.

New York allows leaders of The New York Society for Ethical Culture to preform weddings, and also I presume to drone on and on about secular humanism and to be as boring as real ministers of actual religions. in Ohio the "superintendent of the state school for the deaf" may preform weddings. In Oklahoma an "ecclesiastical dignitary" must be at least 18 to preform marriages, and Oklahoma is also the only state to refer to "him or her" instead of just "him". Pennsylvania requires that "marriage does require words uttered to establish at that precise time the relationship of husband and wife". South Carolina is the strictest, saying that "Only ministers of the Gospel or accepted Jewish rabbis and officers authorized to administer oaths in this State are authorized to administer a marriage ceremony". In fact, the only state in the union that will let any damn fool preform a wedding ceremony is Vermont, which doesn't appear to have any qualifications at all.

Yet there is no qualifications to actually get married. Maybe some kind of test or classes or counseling would be appropriate and help curtail divorce.

My baby bro got married last night, and my mind wandered during the chuppah. The lesson: when attending a sibling's wedding, charge your camera batteries beforehand. Otherwise, your camera will die and you will get bored and your mind will wander as you try not to die of heat exhaustion. Bonus: my bro's father in law's rebbi came, and at the chassan's tisch we learned that this esteemed individual is actually our third cousin (Jewish Geography ftw). When calling him up for a brocha under the chuppah, he was referred to as the "great uncle of the chassan". Hah.

Not a gloss on the Bush Administration at all.

2007-06-20T13:04:00.001-04:00

Dusty: Time for plan B. Plan A was to break into El Guapo's fortress.

Carmen: And that you have done, now what?

Dusty: Well we really dont have a plan B. We didn't expect for the first plan to work. Sometimes you can overplan these things.

Three Amigos!

Bored Soldiers near Gaza

2007-06-20T11:09:00.001-04:00

Who says Jews can't dance? Well, whoever they are, they're right.

I've had a tough day, due to lack of drugs.

2007-06-14T15:13:00.001-04:00

Hate.

Anger.

Rage.

Murder death kill.

My back is somewhat better, so I stopped taking the Flexeril my doctor prescribed.

And now I want to set people on fire and punch buildings.

I know what I typed. I want to punch buildings right in their smug little cornicing.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

A guy cut me off in traffic. So I pulled into the oncoming lane, cut him off, boxed him in, and parked my truck so I could yell at him. Unfortunately, he got away, and I don;t have a gun. Instead, I summoned all my psychic energy and focused all my hate on him, trying to hate him to death.

I don't actually have any psychic powers but tried it just in case any latent psychic abilities chose that moment to manifest themselves.

The guy's head did not explode but I think his car's blue book value depreciated a teeny tiny fraction of a penny, and I'm going to have to settle for that.

Then I went to a pizza store to move a perfectly good camera, just because they decided to move the cash register.

I had my MP3 jammed into my ears, listening to Eitan Katz, in a desperate bid to lower my blood pressure, and also so no idiots could talk to me.

An idiot came up to me, and started talking.

I glowered at him, but he seemed unperturbed, so after about five minutes I took the headphones off and snarled "what?"

"What kind of calzones do you have?"

"I don't work here." I said. I have a drill in my hand and I'm wearing my company's uniform shirt with the name and logo on it, not the pizza store logo. Also, I wasn't wearing an apron.

"But I just want to know what kind of calzones you have!"

I did not leap over the counter and throttle the man in order to keep him from reproducing, but it was a near thing.

Then three more people did it to me- asked me a pizza related question and then argued with me when I explained that I did not work for the pizza store.

I need a drink.

That's just insane.

2007-06-13T22:00:00.001-04:00

I am incredibly nervous about being a parent. But at least I'll be a better parent than these sickos.

Setting the bar low is the key to success.

Seriously, though, these people need to be beaten with cast iron water pipes.

clipped from www.ajc.com

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Investigators found a crying 6-year-old boy tied up in a sweltering car at a suburban restaurant after employees reported seeing a man take the child outside and return without him to finish eating.

Police believe the boy, whose name was not released, was tied up for about 30 minutes while the outside temperature was in the 80s Saturday in Ringgold, Ga., about 13 miles southeast of Chattanooga, Sgt. John Gass said Tuesday.

"He was sitting up in between the two front seats and he was crying," Gass said. "He had a rope tied to one of his ankles. The child was just sweating, just soaking."

The boy's mother, Rachel Gilchrist, 35, and her companion, Raymond Minchew, 61, both of Sandy Springs, Ga., were arrested Saturday and charged with cruelty to children and concealing a weapon. Police found a handgun in the car.

The couple contended the boy had misbehaved, although witnesses at the Cracker Barrel restaurant disagreed, Gass said.

Strom Thurmond has it tatooed on his palm, just in case.

2007-06-13T21:47:00.000-04:00

Robin Hood: Are you with me- yea or nay!
Villager: Uhh... which one means yes?
Robin Hood: Yea.

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Bush in Albania 2007 - Cheering in Fushe Kruja

2007-06-12T10:51:00.001-04:00

Bush gets his watch clipped- watch right about the one minute mark. ZOMG!

Seriously, how drunk/stupid/gutsy do you have to be to steal the watch of The President of the Whole Entire Gosh-Darn United States?

2007-06-11T12:40:00.000-04:00

Pulled back. Heavily medicated. Am currently grooving on the pretty colors. Blogging to resume soon.

-chainik

The View From the Hellespont

2007-06-07T22:07:00.000-04:00

Modern day Turkey stands at a great crossroads. On one side of the Dardanelles, Turkey faces east, towards the oil fields and despotism of the Middle East. Tellingly, however, Turkey’s most important city lies on the European side of the Hellespont, in the old Byzantine fortress of Constantinople or modern day Istanbul. Constantinople, with its footprint in both Europe and Asia, acts as the ultimate manifestation of Turkey’s conflicted nature. With vital interests in both Europe and Asia, Turkey seems a nation turned inwards in search of a true identity. It is in the Turkish quest for identity that the vigorous debate regarding its admission to the European Union reaches its most fundamental question: Should Turkey be Western or Eastern? While Turkey clearly possesses a very different cultural and political background than the rest of Europe, what should—and must—be important to European policy makers is Turkey’s future, not its past. Europeans and Turks must unite around common principles and common dreams and seek to strengthen the bonds of brotherhood before extremist forces on both sides ruin the Western-Turkish entente of the Kemalist era.

Despite Turkey’s ostensibly Western orientation after the reforms of Ataturk, there has been considerable European resistance to its application to enter the EU. European skepticism of Turkey is generally a byproduct of historically minded Europeans recalling the Turks at the gates of Vienna three centuries ago and the perceived threat of Islamic civilization to European values. While recent Turkish culture is secular, the Turkish population itself is overwhelmingly Islamic and recent trends have only accentuated the daily role of Islam in Turkey. The Justice and Development Party (AKP) controls the Turkish Grand National Assembly by a nearly unassailable majority, holding over 60% of all seats, as well as the position of Prime Minister. Certain elements in Turkey and elsewhere are concerned that the President—due to be elected by the parliament in 2007—will also come from the AKP. The AKP traces its origins to the Islamist Welfare Party, founded in 1982. The Welfare Party was radically Islamic, and the AKP was created by a splinter group of moderates in 2001 and thus retains its predecessor’s connection to Islam. However, unlike the Welfare Party, the AKP has repeatedly vowed to uphold secularism and democracy, and the AKP’s invocation of Islam is essentially analogous to the European political tradition of Christian Democracy. Turkish concern over the role of the AKP caused the Presidential Election in early May to end in failure, and a new General Election is scheduled for late July in order to resolve the political gridlock. Paradoxically, the moderate Islamists in Turkey are probably more democratic than the defenders of secularism. While the AKP has always worked within Turkey’s democratic framework, the army has repeatedly threatened to “intervene” to protect the Kemalist legacy of secular government. Such military posturing is clearly antithetical to liberal government, and consequently, the whole Turkish election fiasco has done much to damage Europe’s view of Turkey as a responsible and modern democracy worthy of full acceptance as a member of Europe.

The controversy regarding Turkey’s application to the EU is generally portrayed in the context of Christendom’s self-preservation in the face of Islamic radicalism. In a sense, the Europeans are correct: militant Islam is a fundamental threat to European Civilization. However, the intrinsic conflict between Islamic Fascism and the West makes it imperative and indeed, ultimately unavoidable from a Western perspective that Turkey enters the EU. If we are truly in a clash of civilizations, we must employ every means at our disposal to divide and conquer. If Europe rejects Turkey out of fear of Islam, than it will be sentencing the most Western of all Muslim states to abandonment. Kemalist Turkey has a long and proud tradition of Western policy—but that orientation must not be taken for granted. Ataturk dreamed of a Turkey fully cooperative and in perfect harmony with the rest of Europe. That dream is close to realization with Turkey’s application to the EU. But if Europe turns its back on Turkey, Turkey will turn to other sources for friends and allies—and why shouldn’t she, if after fifty years of cooperation and friendship, her European cousins decided she wasn’t European enough to join the family? Forsaken by Europe, a disillusioned Turkey would turn to the only alternative: the Sunni states such as Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and Pakistan. Turkey would turn from being a critical ally of the Western world against radical Islam to a supporter of the very Sunni regimes sponsoring Wahabbist jihad. While many Europeans have legitimate concerns about Turkish democracy and the influx of Islam into the public sector via the AKP, the way to influence Turkey’s direction is not to cut it off entirely and let the Arab states gain influence amongst Turkish policy makers, but rather to gradually encourage Turkish assimilation into the European body politic through constructive engagement.

Unfortunately, the prospect for Turkish acceptance into the EU does not appear good—at least in the short term. New French President Nicolas Sarkozy seems to have captured much of the European anti-Turkish sentiment and for the time being, it appears that Europe will continue to stall and delay as it seeks to avoid directly confronting the Turkish question. After all, Turkey did apply for membership in the Common Market all the way back in 1987—and the Turks have been patiently waiting for a concrete answer from the Europeans ever since. While it’s taken Europe almost two decades to finally get around to addressing the Turkish question, the ball is certainly moving and Turkey’s application has moved to the front of the EU docket since 2005. Whatever the delay, eventually, Europe will be forced to admit Turkey or see it switch teams halfway through the ballgame. It might take a decade or two for the strategic importance of Turkey to fully sink in amongst cautious Europeans, but Turkey’s Western orientation—and for the less ideologically driven European—geographic location to facilitate the importation of natural gas from Central Asia into Europe will ultimately pave the road from Ankara to Brussels.

The Gospel According to Sylvester

2007-06-06T20:41:00.000-04:00

Mick: Like it says in the Bible, Rock, ya don't get a second chance!

Rocky

We are all jigsaw men.

2007-06-05T18:37:00.000-04:00

I remember, in my misspent youth, reading the short story The Jigsaw Man, by Larry Niven. It concerns a future in which organ transplantation is cheap and easy, thanks to the Organ Banks. Where do the Organ Banks get their organs? From criminals convicted of capital crimes. Unfortunately, thanks to supply and demand, there are not enough criminals to keep up, which causes the politicians to keep redefining "capital crimes" downwards.

The protagonist in The Jigsaw Man has been convicted of repeated speeding violations.

I haven't read the story in years and don't remember how it ends, but I do know that I never thought we'd be debating the ethics of involuntary organ donation in real life, any more than I thought we'd be discussing the best way to defend civilization from religious crackpots who live in the desert guarding a precious and scarce resource. But here we are.

The authoritarian maniacs running China today have long been suppressing Falun Gong. Allegations of torture and various human rights abuses are well documented.

But this is just sick.

On 9 March 2006, allegations were made of organ harvesting on living Falun Gong practitioners at the Sujiatun detention compound, an alleged labor camp and part of the China Traditional Medicine Thrombosis Treatment Center, [1] a joint-venture with Malaysian healthcare company Contry Heights Health Sanctuary and subject to oversight beyond local Chinese authority, located in Shenyang City, Liaoning province. According to at least two witnesses interviewed by The Epoch Times, internal organs of living Falun Gong practitioners have been harvested and sold to the black market, and the bodies have been cremated in the hospital's boiler room. The witnesses make allegations of nobody coming out of the camp alive, as well as six thousand practitioners being held captive at the hospital since 2001, two-thirds of whom have died to date. According to these sources, removed organs include hearts, kidneys, livers and cornea.

Now, NTD, the New York based Chinese language television network, reports Rav Elyashiv's opposition to organ harvesting, even when the patient's life is in danger.

For giggles, listen to the anchor mispronounce "Elyashiv" and "Sharei Tzedek". Highly amusing- probably the same reaction the anchor would have if she heard me pronounce "moo goo gai pan".

Anyway, my point: China is evil.

H/T The Yeshiva World.

Restaurant Meme (in which I cheat).

2007-06-04T18:18:00.001-04:00

It's the restaurant meme, yay!

Add a direct link to the post below the person who tagged you. Include the city/state and country you're in.

Jacob Da Jew

Lakewood, New Jersey, USA

List the top five favorite places to eat at your location.

(Which doesn't parse very well. Maybe "the top five favorite places in your locale." Or perhaps "your five favorite local eateries". See? It's awkward.)

Anyway, Lakewood (Ir Hakodesh) doesn't exactly overflow with restaurants, which is incredibly odd to a person coming from Flatbush, as I am. Nevertheless, I was able to assemble six good places.

In no particular order:

J II Pizza:

This is one of the few places in Lakewood that could survive on its own merits in a more cutthroat restaurant environment, like Brooklyn for example. The pizza is good, New York style pizza- thick, chewy crust, thin dough that gives a satisfying snap! when you fold the slice in half, plenty of cheese, and good sauce. They have an adequate selection of pizza toppings, like green pepper, red pepper, onion, chewy canned tin flavored mushroom-like food product, and onion. You can also get calzones, cheese pretzels, and what is in my opinion the best falafel in Lakewood. The new location is huuuuge (by Lakewood standards) and looks nice. Seven out of ten.

Glatt Bite:

Good old fashioned fast food. Wants to be Kosher Delight when they grow up. They never will be, but it isn't bad. The lunch specials are incredible- a huge amount of food for a reasonable price. Get the Double Delight with Fries and a Small Drink for something like six or seven bucks. Also, try the sesame chicken, the pastrami schnitzel, the hot wings, and the chicken ceasar salad. Stay the hell away from the fung wong guy and the beef ceasar salad. Six point five out of ten.

SubStation:

The first kosher sandwich place located in a gas station in America, to my knowledge. A foot long sub (deli, schnitzel, steak, or grilled chicken) is like eight bucks, and comes with unlimited
toppings. The bread is delicious, not the flavorless meat-and-vegetable container most sandwich places give you. The cholent is flavorless. Never ever order the egg roll. Six point five out of ten.

Circa-NY:

The morons who run this place looked at Lakewood and saw a town full of hungry snobby Jews desperate for a restaurant where they could see and be seen, and responded with a beautiful, soulless place which is like the Soviet Union's version of Orchidea- whatever you want, they're out of, but LOOK AT THAT DECOR, WILL YOU, I BET IT COSTS A FAWTUNE, IT'S GAWGOUS, GEVALT I FEEL MAMESH LIKE A ROCKEFELLAH!

Then why is Circa on this list? Simple: Their world class sushi bar. Better than Tea for Two. I recommend the Lakewood roll. Eight out of ten.

Pittaleh:

From it's top secret, highly classified location (in the parking lot behind the jewelery store across from the post office between the refrigerator and the wall), Pittaleh makes the best schwarma in New Jersey, possibly the country. That's right, I said it: it's better than Famous Pita. All pita and lafa is made on -site, and they keep it in a Styrofoam thingy so its warm. Mrs. Chainik is partial to the schnitzel. Nine point two five out of ten (they lose points for not having falafel... in a freaking Yemenite/Israeli restaurant).

Tasty Bite:

Pretentious and annoying women living off their Tatty's money while their husbands drink coffee in the BMG and smoke and shmooze love Tasty Bite. Since firing all the nasty waitresses and hiring all of Uncle Mike's old staff, service has done a 180, going from "worse than a Ben Yehuda coffee shop" all the way to "deserves a higher-than-usual tip". A tip, btw, is added to your bill, because these nasty JAPs do not have the requisite empathy and/or brainpower to understand the concept of tipping. Go on Wednesdays; they have a Couples' Special: two salads, two entrees, two drinks, and two deserts for thirty bucks. For bonus funny points, watch the yeshiva boys come in and try and get the couples special.

Tasty Bite allegedly has sushi but they are always out of sushi whenever we go there. Try the nachos. The teriyaki salmon and the greek salad are both excellent. The cheesecake is less so. Seven out of ten.

Yes, that's actually six restaurants. So sue me. I'm a nonconformist, baby.

Dishonorable mentions:

Falafel and Chips

Effin' Chips is actually not that bad, but the place is unbelievably filthy. To walk in there is to contract a minor but annoying GI infection. Try the cholent, but not during summertime.

Summertime is when the bacteria come out to play.

Negative three out of ten.

Kol Tuv Pizza at the Capital Hotel

The Crapital is the worst food vendor to ever exist in Lakewood, and if you've ever eaten at the now-defunct Madison Pizza you'd know that that is one heck of a contest. If you have to choose between eating a falafel from The Crapital or starving to death, go with The Crapital... but think long and hard if its worth it. Negative seventeen out of ten.

Now, I'm supposed to tag five lucky bloggers, but I doubt I have that bug a readership. Five? What am I, Instapundit?

Here goes:

Brooklyn Wolf

Ahistoricality

Dofun Akuma

Da Litvak

And... oh... I don't know

Rubin.

Speak, computer!

2007-06-04T16:59:00.000-04:00

Make Stephen Hawking green with envy by clicking here.

Although I suppose you could make him envious by, ya know, walking, too.

Like taking a six year old to watch Dawn of the Dead.

2007-06-04T16:01:00.000-04:00

Caught Knocked Up Saturday night.

Yes, that's right. I took my pregnant wife to watch a movie about pregnancy, including an incredibly graphic birth scene.

Not the most intelligent idea I've ever had. I don't think my right thumb will function in quite the same way ever again.

Very funny, btw. I highly recommend it to all you unpregnant persons out there. be advised, though: this thing earns its R rating, what with the aforementioned birth scene and the filthy, filthy (but very funny!) dialogue.

Eruv Rav to get his day in court.

2007-06-01T18:21:00.000-04:00

A Williamsburg rabbi is facing assault charges for his role in a scuffle that started because of a dispute he had with another Jew regarding the issue of an Eruv in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn.

Rabbi Sh. Greenbaum will appear in Brooklyn Criminal Court for allegedly striking 19-year-old E. Klein in the face, when Klein walked down Bedford Avenue with his kippah in his hand, believing that the Eruv in Williamsburg is kosher, but which the rabbi believes it is not. The attackers pummeled Klein while yelling "you are not a Jew!" according to court documents.

Through a translator, Greenbaum, 44, said he notice Kleins head was uncovered so he asked him to put his kippah on, in a nice way. "I would never hurt somebody. I would never return a punch," he said.

Klein was also charged with a lesser assault on another participant in the brawl.

This blogger hopes they hang Greenbaum from the eruv by his peyos. This guy is a rosha gomur.

H/T Vos Iz Neias. Check out the comments. My favorite:

Well, I guess Moshiach won't be coming this week.

Gunboat Diplomacy!

2007-05-31T01:47:00.000-04:00

It's the most efficient kind of diplomacy, after all. Lots quicker than dressing up in striped pans and handing around little bits of chocolate wrapped in gold foil during embassy receptions while that annoying string music they always play in movies during fancy shmancy black tie receptions plays in the background (you know the music... dah dah dah dah DAH! Dah dah... dah dah...)

(Irrelevant tangent: this came up in a Google search for "those songs they always play in movies".)

Look, I'm just some moron with a moronblog, not someone who's opinion actually matters. I don't have the jorb of coming up with a good, solid, workable strategery to deal with that evil little troll in Tehran who is busily trying to get nukes and is crazy enough to use them if he ever got his evil little claws on them. I do know that one good thing, at least, has come out of the Iraq mess.

People know that the current Administration is crazy enough to actually go to war with anyone who pisses them off sufficiently.

They aren't, of course, not really. (Shhhh. Keep that little tidbit to yourself.) But speaking softly and carrying the big stick only works if people think you really might take the big stick and start getting all LAPD on a country. People know the difference between a promise and an empty threat. If Clinton or Carter told someone "behave or I'll bomb your country", no one took them seriously, and for good reason. But when, say, Ray-Gun spit in the eye of the Evil Empire and told them that the United States of gosh-darn America was no longer taking no guff from nobody, people listened, because the crazy senile old whackadoo was really seriously gonna push the button and laugh while he did it.

Is this the ideal way to conduct international intercourse? No, of course not. But if, for example, Denmark began a nuclear program, we could talk to them, reason with them, buy furniture and cellphones from them. You can reason with the sane. The insane sometimes will listen only to a tazer.

If you can't be right, be loud.

2007-05-30T23:57:00.000-04:00

As we settled into discussion, I discovered to my delight that the students were attentive, respectful, and vocal, and the entire affair flowed in a relatively genial-yet- enthusiastic manner for over an hour.

The teacher then decided she had to open her mouth.

Heh. RTWT.

Shock Report: Goyim may actually be human beings, new study suggests. Satmer not convinced.

2007-05-30T21:56:00.000-04:00

A Conservative Rabbi from Minnesota has come up with what he calls a "hechsher tzedek", a certification testifying to the company's commitment to social justice issues.

Now, I've said it before and I'll say it again- hearing "justice" from a liberal is like hearing "freedom" from a conservative, a code word meaning you aren't going to get any. And The Forward is the one hyping this, and their beef (ha!) with Rubashkin is well known, as is PETA's.

Now, as an evil neocon, I support the abuse of workers and the torture of animals and burning orphanages and so forth. Also, most if not all of the meat in my freezer is from Rubashkin- they are, after all, the largest kosher meat company in the US. But, as much as I hate hippies (and Rabbi Morris Allen seems like a prime example of the type), he might have a point.

I am an alarm installer, and I do a lot of installations and maintenance work for a lot of Jewish owned businesses in New Jersey and New York. Many if not most employ illegal immigrants, and treat them like dirt. I know they get paid peanuts and get abused constantly.

How do I know this?

I never quite learned the trick of treating certain people differently, I guess. I know you are supposed to treat your social inferiors a certain way, your peers another way, and your social betters yet another way, but I've never been able to pull this off.

That's right. I talk to Mexicans like they're human beings, not like they're horses who have unaccountably learned to talk and wear clothes but are still fit for nothing but drudgery.

I get told things most employers never hear.

This hechsher tzedek may not be a bad idea after all. Maybe a movement in the heimishe velt to learn how to treat other people like human beings btzelem Elokim (see this post) is something that is sorely needed.

H/T Y-Love

Movie Wednesday

2007-05-30T09:07:00.000-04:00

Faisal: They call him the Sand Spider.

Trilby: Really? Why?

Faisal: Probably because it sounds scary.

True Lies

The stuffing is the ikur.

2007-05-25T04:52:00.000-04:00

There is no such thing as a potato blintz.

There. I said it. I have stated this as a hard, unequivocal fact.

The only real blintzes are cheese blintzes. Cherry, cherry and cheese, strawberry, blueberry, apple-cinnamon (my personal favorite)- all these are pale imitations of the One True Blintz Stuffing, which is cheese.

Grated or mashed potato stuffed in dough is called a knish. So let it be written.

What is the difference, you may ask?

The accompaniments, of course. Blintzes are served with sour cream. Knishes are served with deli style mustard. It doesn't matter if anyone actually eats the sour cream or the mustard- I've happily eaten knishes with no mustard, just like I've eaten falafel with no techina- but it mamesh does not pas to serve blintzes with no sour cream, just like serving latkes with no apple sauce is a booshe despite the fact that it tastes just fine stam.

Ai, you can say that knishes are fried and blintzes are baked, but I can show you Gabilla's knishes (no website), which are both fried and baked and are delicious.

You can tell me that blintzes are rectangular and flat, whereas knishes are either round (pizza shop style) or square (Mom's Knishes)- but I tell you that this is no reiya, because a food is a food even when you change its shape. We learn this out from Italian slices, which everyone holds is still pizza even though it is puffed up and square and not flat and triangular.

And bourekas are no reiya, either, because I hold the same thing by bourekas- stuffing potato into dough makes it a knish whether it is square, round, or in the case of bourekas, triangular.

You can ask me what makes a boureka different from a blintz, and I can answer: you serve a boureka with schug, tomato salad, and a hard boiled egg.

Calzones are clearly the work of the Satan to confuse people, and I have serious doubts on what bracha is appropriate- and in any case, it is part of the pizza family.

If you ever wondered what your husband/ brother/ son does all night in the BM on Shavous night, now you know.

Music duel: Jewish klezmer vs Gipsy music - Train de vie

2007-05-17T23:01:00.001-04:00

From a wonderful, hilarious, heartbreaking movie.

I suggest you watch it. And I suggest you reserve your judgment till the end.

Word to the Wise

2007-05-17T22:16:00.001-04:00

I will have to remember this quote the next time I get into a flamewar.

clipped from asimplejew.blogspot.com

A person who always wants to win the argument is very intolerant of truth. The truth may be staring him in the face, but because he is determined to win at all costs, he ignores it completely. If you want to find the real truth, you must rid yourself of the urge to win. Then you will be able to see the truth if you wish.

(Rebbe Nachman of Breslov)

Ron Paul found beaten within an inch of his life.

2007-05-16T08:59:00.000-04:00

Ron Paul was found bloody and bleeding last night outside John Birch Society headquarters, police say. He was covered in tire iron-like marks. A police source close to the investigation claims that strange markings were embedded in Congressman Paul's forehead and buttocks. According to a forensic report, it appears the words Office of the Mayor of the City of New York were engraved on the tire iron.

Ron Paul most recently had a run in with Rudy Giuliani at the debate. Mr. Paul stated that 911 was America's fault, and Mr. Giuliani asked him to recant the statement. In video from the debate, Mr. Giuliani's left eye can be seen twitching. Mr. Giuliani was recently the Mayor of the City of New York, and frequently carries the ceremonial tire iron of his former office. When asked for a comment on the frequent assault, Mr. Giuliani said "I beat that moron like a rented mule. I beat him so hard I think the tire iron has a new dent. I'll do the same to any moron who wants to tell me 911 was America's fault. And if he doesn't apologize, I'll do it again. Rudy smash! Graaaaaah!"

Police are continuing to investigate. Anyone who has information on the case should call 555-TIPS.

With great power comes great responsibility

2007-05-16T00:38:00.000-04:00

We're Thinking of Going on the Road

Teen girl #1: Lauren! What is the name of the movie I saw that one time? You know -- there was a guy in it. He had, um... hair? He was sad and stuff?
Lauren: Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands.
Teen girl #1: Yes! Exactly! Him! He was in another movie. I swear... Um... His hair was different, though, and he had that hat. We should rent that movie.
Lauren: The movie Secret Window will scare you. Your mind can't take in something like that.
Teen girl #1: Hey! Well, yeah, maybe you're right.
Teen girl #2, to Lauren: How can you ever tell what she's talking about?!
Lauren: I can read the minds of idiots. It's a sad and useless power. Except, of course, in cases like this.

--Central Park

via Overheard in New York, May 15, 2007

Candidate number 368923560: Mike Bloomberg

2007-05-14T19:42:00.000-04:00

Mayor Mike is planning on spending a cool one billion- $1,000,000,000- to guarantee a Democratic win, by running as a third party independent. Chuck Hagel is cheering him on. That's not my joke, it's Ace's. And Newt Gingrich is mulling his candidacy.

At this point, is there a white, Christian, middle aged male with (as Dave Barry sez) two dark suits who has not been indicted recently not running? At this pace I may just throw my hat intot he ring myself.

Heh. There's a thought. Our first blogger-President. With an all blogger Cabinet. Tee hee.

Well, for Secretary of State, I'd get Mark Steyn- he knows how to talk to those furriners, being one himself. Glenn Reynolds will be Attorney General and Frank J will be Secretary of War (one of my platforms will be to rename the Department of Defense, because everyone knows that the best defense is a good offense).

Secretary of Education will be Ahitoricality. Secretary of the Interior will be Lileks. Rubin can be the Secretary of Commerce- he's in advertising, he must know how to get the furriners to buy our stuff, which is what the Secretary of commerce does as far as I can tell. Secretary of the Treasury will be whoever runs AdSense.

Did I leave anyone out? Want to nominate a blogger to fill a position? Comments!

Ye Olde Security System

2007-05-14T19:11:00.000-04:00

I have a professional interest in crime, being a security systems specialist. So it was with great and geeky joy that I found these examples of early CCTV systems, which were so expensive that only banks and other high risk targets could afford them. Now, of course, you can get a top of the line hardcore security system for your business or home for less than five grand.

Price is not the only thing that has changed. I liked the people who, after a robbery, picked up cash dropped by the perps and put it back on the counter.

Video One
Video Two

Buzzwords a go go!

2007-05-13T15:53:00.000-04:00

What, exactly, does Web 2.o mean?

I tried Wikipedia, which is never incorrect, and they say that "Web 2.0 is the business revolution in the computer industry caused by the move to the internet as platform, and an attempt to understand the rules for success on that new platform."

Which means precisely bupkis.

I think that Web 2.0 is one of those marketing buzzwords that have no real meaning, like paradigm, or synergy, or fair trade. These words are the prostitutes of the English language, willing to work for anyone at all. Words like these have no definitions, just connotations. You don't know what it means, but you know what it implies, and you know if some slick Rick in a Hugo Boss suit mentions two or more of these words in a single paragraph you are going to be paying about 20% more than you thought.

Here's a cute little viral video about Supermarket 2.0. Enjoy!

Full disclosure: as I wrote this post, I realized that I'm probably going to up my Google hits quite a bit. X Box 360. IPhone. Paris Hilton.

Tee hee.

Jewish KosKid Quits Kos Over Anti Jewish, I Mean Anti Zionist Moonbatism

2007-05-10T23:40:00.001-04:00

In Ye Olden Dayes TM, Jews voted Democratic for the most part. There is a very good reason for that: Republicans were crazy scary antisemites. Right up until the second when Pat Buchanan was a mainstream Republican, Jews voted for the people who reminded them of Nazis the least.

But now (i.e. for the past 25 years or so) that the Neocons have decided to support Israel (because its a democracy, not for any moral reason), the Left has embraced antizionism as a policy... and this leads to rhetoric that sounds, to Jews, indistinguishable from the most violent rabid strains of antisemitism.

This is interesting:

clipped from newsbusters.org

The goal is the same, and the reason is not people's concern for Human rights, of even Palestinian rights. Its just plain old Israel Bashing as a way to clear people's conscience by finding a scapegoat and a target for their pacifist post-modernist views.

People here are advancing ideology that leads directly to Israel being destroyed as a Jewish and democratic, and me dying - since the two are one and the same…The TV ethics employed by some members of this site here is a mirror of misguided ideology and theory. Reading this site for the past few months has me feeling like I was reading the writings of West European communists in the 1970's : Confidant, just, well written, scientific, moral (remember the "evils" of capitalism?) . Yet - in the view of history - utter garbage.
I came to this site with Leftist Zionist Environmentalist Pro-Peace ideology (Meretz style).
I leave it with a heavy doubt of the entire "Progressive" ideology, morals and goals.

A deep moral and philosophical question of great import.

2007-05-10T08:58:00.000-04:00

If I told you I found Waiting for Godot amusing and interesting, would you think less of me?

I saw it on PBS a few years back, and I actually liked it. I found it interesting and full of fascinating imagery. Plus its full of my favorite form of humor, the non sequitur. But I grew up in Boro Park and learned long ago not to show any signs of intellectualism. Also I'm pretty sure that admitting to like Beckett is a sign of snobbishness.

Anyhoo, here is Waiting for Woody Alan. The beards are badly pasted on, and the accents silly, but the dialogue is dead on- you could hear it on Thirteenth Avenue in any conversation.

That's probably why I liked Waiting for Godot so much- besides for the Oirish brogues, boyo, the dialogue was straight out of Shomrei Shabbos after 11:00.

The Simpsons Movie Trailer #3

2007-05-10T04:00:00.001-04:00

I want to see this now. Now!!!

Chasydzi w Leżajsku- 2007

2007-05-10T03:57:00.003-04:00

This is Lizhensk, right?

Lag B'omer in Meron 2007

2007-05-10T03:57:00.001-04:00

Chaos... confusion... cigarette smoke... crowds... singing... makes me want to hop a plane to E"Y.

The Lion in Winter

2007-05-09T22:04:00.000-04:00

Later this summer, Tony Blair will resign as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and his beleaguered Labor Party will be inherited by Gordon Brown, a current financial chancellor in the Blair government and in all likelihood, Blair’s successor as Prime Minister as well. The end of Blair’s decade in office seems an appropriate time to reflect upon the lasting significance of the man who brought Labor in from the wilderness and proved to be perhaps the most enduring champion of the trans-Atlantic alliance since Dwight Eisenhower.

Tony Blair entered office in 1997 with a sweeping public mandate to reform the British welfare state and restore Britain’s faltering economy. Blair’s vision was to transform Labor (and consequently Britain itself) from a demoralized socialist wreck into a genuinely pro-American party which stood for justice abroad and economic freedom at home. Blair’s domestic agenda was a resounding success. “New Labor,” as Blair calls his party, is here to stay and the days of former party leader Ramsey McDonald advocating the socialization of the means of production are gone for good. Blair’s legacy, however, will ultimately be judged on the success or failure of his support for nation building in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Heart-wrenchingly, the British public has turned against its former champion. With his nation discontented with slow progress in Iraq, the Prime Minister has become the object of vitriolic scorn and animosity on a scale not even paralleled in the United States with the current administration. As Blair’s approval ratings have plummeted, so have Labor’s, and the opposition Conservatives stand poised to assume control after the next election cycle. The only chance for Labor seems to be an early exit for Blair followed by frantic action from presumably Gordon Brown to win back over former Labor supporters who left the party because of Mr. Blair.

The resurgence of David Cameron’s Conservatives is disenchanting from an American perspective principally because Cameron’s party is not conservative in any sense of the word. Cameron is a slick politician who has forsaken the traditional Tory policy of pro-Americanism and moved towards a generic anything-but-Labor platform. Cameron has gone as far as to indicate that he would move the U.K. away from the United States politically and his support for American action in the Middle East is unreliable to say the least.

The best chance for the trans-Atlantic alliance to be preserved is probably for Gordon Brown and Labor to retain power. While Brown is certainly not as vocal about his American sympathies as Mr. Blair, Mr. Brown is a reliable ally and is a moderate supporter of a continued British presence in Iraq. Unfortunately, this muted position is the best America can help for out of its long-time strongest and most important ally.

What Blair’s exit demonstrates more clearly than anything is that Britain is no longer the rock of Europe. After three and a half centuries of leading the Western world, Great Britain has finally settled into a long slumber. While after the Victorians Great Britain had seemingly found a balance between projecting power and shunning colonialism, the Second World War caused Great Britain to fully retreat from its imperial past and settle into its role as a second rate world power. The status quo of the Thatcher-Blair era was a waning Britain struggling to exercise what influence it had left as it sought to support Washington in strategic areas across the globe. However, even this minimized approach seems likely to meet its own end as the trans-Atlantic alliance’s last great champion makes his exit.

With Britain now seemingly in perpetual retreat, it is more important than ever for American policy makers to look elsewhere to forge lasting and meaningful alliances. While Europe has always dominated global politics, the strategic scene has, for the past quarter century, been shifting towards the Orient and in particular the Pacific Rim. Japan is the most likely candidate to replace Great Britain as our foremost ally, and so long as we finally liberate Japan from the burdensome post-WWII restrictions placed upon its military, the Japanese will be able to project power deep into Asia and safeguard a liberal order on the high seas just as Great Britain did throughout its history. Coupled with a strong bi-lateral alliance with Japan, a strategic partnership with India would not only balance a growing China, but provide a reliable trading partner without the double-edged sword of doing business with the Devil. In short, a new Pacific entente is in order, fully integrating growing Japanese self-confidence, India’s immense population and economic potential, and of course the hard power of an American Carrier Battle Group.

As American policymakers look towards the brave new world of the future, they would do well to keep in mind the strategic implications of the Blair administration’s fall from power. With Great Britain on the defensive, new strategic partnerships will have to be forged and while Great Britain will always remain a sentimental and ideological ally of the United States, hard power has shifted decisively to the Pacific Rim. The future of the world rests with the burgeoning powers of Japan and India, and perhaps if we are less fortunate, with China as well. While the twilight of British power is surely lamentable, if history teaches us anything, it is that self-delusion in the face of unpleasant facts is folly. We as a people cannot meet the challenges of the 21st century with the strategic partnerships of the 20th.

2007-05-09T11:14:00.000-04:00

Just got a beter view of the chopper (scroll down). Its spraying... Somethig, hopefully not chemtrails.

2007-05-09T11:08:00.001-04:00

There is a small helicopter buzzing buzzily around south Lakewood right now at barely treetop height. I feel like I'm in M*A*S*H. How bizarre.

Falafel Chicken

2007-05-08T11:50:00.000-04:00

Last night we had falafel chicken, which recipe I got from Kosher by Design: Short on Time by Susie Fishbein. And behold, for it was goooooood.

I was pretty simple to make, and it was delicious.

You need:

One and a half chicken breasts, split and cut into strips.
One box of dry falafel mix.
Extra Virgin olive oil.
One tomato.
One cucumber.
Tehina (I prefer the new Salatim brand. They don't seem to have a website, but I first saw the brand in Lakewood supermarkets around Chanukah time.)
Pita.
A deep skillet.
Two bowls.
A wooden spatula.
Metal tongs.
A fork.

Directions:

Pour one third of your dry falafel mix into one bowl and the other two thirds in the other one. Split your chicken breasts and cut into strips. Roll the chicken pieces in the bowl with less falafel mix. Pour some warm water into the bowl with more falafel mix and stir until you have a spreadable paste. Mix well and set aside. Make sure it stands for about ten minutes. Pour olive oil into the skillet until it is filled up about half way and heat it to medium. While it is heating up, finely dice the tomato and the cucumber.

When the oil is hot, dip the chicken pieces into the wet falafel mixture so that it is evenly coated on both sides. Place the chicken into the skillet carefully, not touching any other piece. Let it cook evenly on both sides, turning them over with the spatula. When a piece is stiff enough not to bend when you squeeze it with the tongs, take it out of the pan and put it on a plate covered in paper towel.

Serve in a pita with tehina and diced vegetables. Serves 2.

Status: Meat
Time: 40 minutes (taking the ingredients out of the fridge to serving)
Difficulty: Beginner
Cleanup: not bad. Only used a few utensils, though washing a skillet with an inch of oil in it is a bit of a challenge. Keep the heat on medium and the serving dish close to the pan so oil does't splatter everywhere.
Overall: a keeper. Serve informal guests on a Sunday night when barbecue is not an option and you have enough advance warning to air out the apartment after cooking but not enough warning to go shopping. Frying falafel mix makes your apartment smelling like the 415 bus to Yerushalayim. Then again, your guests might not mind that.

Suprise!

2007-05-07T09:37:00.000-04:00

I'm Reluctant to Say More

Dude: Hi, I'm looking for the World Trade Center.
Cop: Uhhh, yeah... You need to go to Manhattan.

--Ferry Terminal, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ghost Rock It

via Overheard in New York, May 7, 2007

Williamsburg's carbon footprint must be huuuuuuuuuge

2007-05-07T08:58:00.001-04:00

An interesting theme of liberal philosophy is an intense hatred for people. What other explanation for opposing execution but legalizing abortion? What other explanation for distributing needles and condoms but campaigning against marriage?

I read that some econut says that humanity is like a virus and the global population should drop below one billion, just like in the movie 12 Monkeys. Scary.

clipped from women.timesonline.co.uk

Having large families ‘is an eco-crime’

HAVING large families should be frowned upon as an environmental misdemeanour
in the same way as frequent long-haul flights, driving a 4x4 car and failing
to reuse plastic bags, according to a report to be published tomorrow by a
green think tank.

The paper by the Optimum Population Trust (OPT) will say that if couples had
two children instead of three they could cut their family’s carbon dioxide
output by the equivalent of 620 return flights a year between London and New
York.

In his latest comments the academic says that when couples are planning a
family they should be encouraged to think about the environmental
consequences. “The decision to have children should be seen as a very big
one and one that should take the environment into account,” he added.

Guillebaud says that, as a general guideline, couples should produce no more
than two offspring.

Movie Review: Dirty Dancing

2007-05-06T16:42:00.000-04:00

At the Local Video Store TM, Mrs. Chainik picked up a copy of Dirty Dancing, which she claims never to have seen despite being a straight female growing up in the Western Hemisphere during the last quarter of the Twentieth Century. So we rented it and took it home.

As I popped the DVD in, Mrs Chainik said "do you mind if we watch this without the commentary"? Mrs Chainik is not an MST3K fan, you see, and actually expects me to shut the hell up when we watch movies. I agreed, because that is the kind of considerate husband I am. The kind that will lie to his wife in order to not get beat up before the popcorn is gone.

Now on to the review: the movie is awful. The acting is wooden, the plot is predictable, and the dialogue is silly. Mrs Chainik agrees, adding that the dancing is technically very good (she
was a dancer in high school). At the end of the movie, I exclaimed "Baby is now a self-actualized woman through the magic of the Dance, yay!" at which point Mrs Chainik threatened me with bodily harm. I give it a five out of ten (watch it if it's late Saturday night and nothing much else is on) and Mrs Chainik gives it a six out of ten (if its on cable on a rainy Sunday afternoon you can watch it).

I wanted to show Mrs Chainik that even though neither Jennifer Gray nor Patrick Swayze know how to act, it doesn't matter if the material is good enough, but the Local Video Store TM did not have Red Dawn. I question their patriotism. We got Ferris Bueller's Day Off instead, which, while not being a cinematic masterpiece like Red Dawn, at least features the destruction of a classic Ferrari and has the added bonus of not having Patrick Swayze in it.

2007-05-03T12:04:00.000-04:00

A new dawn rises
In Mesepotamia
Boom! A roadside bomb.

2007-05-03T12:01:00.000-04:00

Information wants
To be free, say the Diggers
Bunch of damn pirates

Awesome RMP

2007-05-02T22:27:00.001-04:00

The NYPD needs to get this for the BQE.

clipped from policehumor.blogspot.com

Alas, poor Boris, we knew you-hey, put that vodka down!

2007-05-02T22:17:00.001-04:00

Sinister Dan delivers the best eulogy Boris Yeltsin is ever likely to get.

Lets poor some Stolichnaya on the curb for homies up in heaven.

clipped from sinisterdan.wordpress.com

In the August coup attempt of 1991, Russian hardliners sequestered Mikhail Gorbachev and sought to take over the government. Yeltsin, then the mayor of Moscow, gathered a throng of supporters and declared his defiance to the old order upon the hood of a main battle tank – a tank belonging to the opposition. This unmitigated and uncompromising declaration of support for the new Russia was the final nail in the coffin of the Soviet Union – and the specter has not risen against since.

But clearly, the man had to be fall-off-his-ass drunk to climb up on the other guy’s tank.

Uncle Boris got drunk and groped at the glasnosts of his female staff. Yeltsin got drunk and danced on stage like a methamphetamine-fueled monkey during folk concerts and Yeltsin even got so wasted that he could not leave his plane during a state visit with the Irish Prime Minister.

You need to be exponentially more hooched-up than the worst day of Orson Welles in order to be too drunk to meet the Irish.

2007-05-02T14:48:00.000-04:00

On the Jersey Guys now: Gov. McGreevy (ghey NJ ex-gov) 'reinventing hmself' bec he wants 2 b a minister. I think the guy's just a nut. Comments?

2007-05-01T16:43:00.001-04:00

Currently listening 2 the Jersey Guys on teh radio. Peter Gabiani (sp?), a Joisey politician, fwd an email w/ racist jokes. He says he's sorry.

Happy May Day!

2007-05-01T08:58:00.000-04:00

Ebay has quite a collection of KGB memorabilia for sale. Get this stuff while you can.

Here is a repost of my "A Jaywalking Primer, or, Dividing the Spoils of the Cold War", from April 7th, 2004. Enjoy.

I went to shopping in the Park Slope neighborhood today. Park Slope and the surrounding neighborhoods of Sunset Park, Fort Greene, and East New York is a fascinating case of shifting demographics. Just a decade ago, the area was under the control of the Brooklyn chapter of the Drug Dealers' Union, along with their affiliates, the Hookers Union local 452, The International Brotherhood of Thieves, Carjackers, Muggers, and Pickpockets (IBTCMP) and the gang banger's franchise of Murder, Inc. In other words, the neighborhood was fun and interesting. Then the white people moved in.

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against white people. Heck, I'm white myself, or Jewish, which is close enough. "White People" is what we call the people who call themselves "hipsters". You know, Midwestern-born the latte drinking, health food eating, goateed jerks who wear Buddy Holly type glasses and listen to jazz. They are ignorant of the most basic aspects of life in the city.

Say, for example, something as simple as crossing the street. These morons will stride to the nearest crosswalk, wait for the light to change, carefully look both ways, and proceed across the street at a leisurely pace, all the while blathering about the cultural diversity of the urban experience. This in the city that invented jaywalking and has since elevated it to an art form. I or any other Brooklynite worth his rat poison will cross between two parked cars I will wait for a break in the traffic and walk briskly to the double yellow line. I will watch the car coming the other way. Provided the driver is not in a homicidal mood (by no means a given), he or she will speed up, traffic conditions permitting, causing a gap in the flow of traffic. Noting this, I will shift my weight to my left leg a raise my right. When the car's mirror passes me, I will step with my right leg and begin walking. Timed correctly, I will reach a gap between two parked cars on the other side before the next car can turn me into a greasy spot on the pavement and a forty five second spot on the five o'clock news. See? Like I said, it's an art form. That is, if a native is driving. If a white person is driving, there really is no telling what they'll do. Sometimes, they'll slow to a crawl, causing cars behind them to drive into oncoming traffic in an attempt to pass (and narrowly missing me standing on the double yellow line, if I'm lucky). Sometimes they will panic stop, causing horrific traffic pileups. Sometimes they will gesture violently to the effect of "I'm from out of town! Take my wallet and my car keys, just let me live"! Or so I assume.

Anyway, Park Slope. There is a weekly flea market in the yard of the local public school. One can purchase hilarious neckties from the fifties, ridiculous buttons from the sixties (Make love, not war!), horrible clothing from the seventies, and horrible and ridiculous Danish furniture from the nineties. There is enough gaudy costume jewelry to bebauble every prostitute to ever work in this city going back to Tammany Hall. There are always elderly Russians Soviet era gewgaws- campaign ribbons and medals from the Great Patriotic War, tie clasps and cufflinks bearing Lenin's ugly mug, and various coins and bills.

It was at one such stall that I got into a bidding war with a soft spoken Asian guy over a Soviet tanker unit patch. "But why?" his girlfriend wanted to know. "I guess I just have a Soviet militaria fetish (the magazines and websites of which I shall leave to your imagination). I ended up paying six dollars for the patch and six dollars for a set of cool looking shoulder boards. The dealer alleged that the shoulder boards were that of a police senior sergeant, which I am still attempting to verify. The guy event threw in an officer's belt, which has a cool looking buckle. The belt itself, however, is made of the awful thin plastic-looking leather we failed to make wallets out of in summer camp. The Asian guy bought a less elaborate set of shoulder boards and an awful- looking Sam Browne belt, also police, in white patent leather. It would have been rejected out of hand by any self respecting crossing guard (oxymoron alert) in America on account of its comical appearance. The fellow, clearly delighted at the sale, promised to have better stuff next week. "You like officer coat, yes? Maybe hat?" He solemnly shook hands with the Asian dude and me, and we walked away with our purchases.

It occurred to me that what we had here was nothing less than the spoils of our victory in the fight against International Communism (European Division). The guy walked away with twenty six dollars between us and was clearly thrilled to be dumping the useless garbage on us. The powerful, terrifying Soviet military was nothing but junk. That's right, comrade. The revolution is over, and the bourgeoisie won. I was surrounded with elderly men desperate enough for my greenbacks to supplement their Social Security checks to part with their hard earned "Proletariat of the Week" medals and old, yellowing Ché posters (although the people selling the Ché posters were all aging American leftists). Taste the ash-heap of history, tavoritch.

It is always prudent, while doing a sack dance in the end zone, to make sure the other members of your team aren't setting fire to the stadium, defenestrating the announcers, and raping the cheerleaders. In the next stall over, there was an Author Andersen travel coffee mug. The woman selling it said I was the first person all day to recognize Enron's old accounting firm. It was labeled five dollars, but she let me have it for four. Then, with the mug of capitalism at its most rapacious sharing a shopping bag with the uniforms of the police state so total in it's totalitarianism that it simply collapsed under its own weight, I went home. I had a coffee while looking up my new purchases on EBay. The belt was selling for six dollars, but there were no buyers. The tanker patch was selling for four. I couldn't find the shoulder patch at all. The bastard had ripped me off. Maybe he was getting the hang of this capitalism thing after all. So there's hope for the Russians. At least I have the mug.

2007-04-30T16:55:00.000-04:00

It's gonna cost $1500 to fix the car. My dad and my dadinlaw are going to help me out. It could be worse, he said to himself unconvincingly...

2007-04-30T10:18:00.001-04:00

I'm at a customer now trying to explain how a $2500 item died due to a lack of a $40 surge protecter. Oops. Buy good surge protectors!

Lights Out in the Middle East

2007-04-29T23:01:00.000-04:00

On the eve of the First World War, Lord Edward Grey observed that “[t]he lamps are going out all over Europe; we shall not see them lit again in our lifetime.” To Lord Grey, World War I was the result of decades of indirect competition between rival nations. The tensions and feuds resulting from the natural clashing of the European powers from the mid 19th century on eventually culminated in the most apocalyptic war the world had ever seen. As British Foreign Secretary, Lord Grey was savvy enough to do all that was in his power to protect his nation’s interests in the coming holocaust—but even he realized that all that was left was to make the best out of a catastrophic situation.

Lord Grey realized, unlike so many of his generation, that the new war would not be a quick and pleasant affair. Grey saw that the conflict could not be concluded until the underlying disputes between the great nations of Europe were resolved—even if it meant four years of literal apocalypse across the fields and forests of Europe. The fundamental conflict between blocs of nations had reached such a point that one side would necessarily destroy the other before it was all over.

Today in the Middle East, if we are not quite facing an analogous situation, we are fast approaching a similar point of no return. The fundamental conflict pervading the Middle East is the clash between liberalism and Islamic Fascism, just as there was a fundamental conflict between Western liberalism and Prussian militarism during the First World War. However, wars are seldom fought over purely ideological matters. The imminent threat in the Middle East is not the long term clash of values but the immediate clash of religions and the nations which finance them.

Traditionally in the Middle East, power has always lain with Sunni Islam. The Sunnis won favorable terms from the British and the French after the colonial period and the Sunnis now control the ostensible U.S. “allies” in the region: Saudi Arabia, Jordan, and Egypt. These traditional Sunni powers are threatened by the growing power of a newly strengthened Iran. In many ways, the story of the past decade in the Middle East has been the spread of Iranian influence throughout the region, just as the specter of German unity created many of the geo-political fault lines in the decades proceeding World War I.

With Iraq’s large Shiite population freed from an oppressive Sunni minority, Iraq is now up for grabs ethnically and religiously. This power vacuum has created a battleground for the competing strands of Islam to fight it out for supremacy. Because of Iraq’s central location, a victory for either Iranian-backed Shiite death squads or Saudi-financed jihadists might permanently tip the balance of power in the region. A widespread regional war between Sunnis and Shiites—amounting to a proxy war between the conservative Gulf States and Iran—would not only have catastrophic effects on the global economy and regional stability (the gas lines of the 1970’s would for example, would look trivial in comparison) but would exponentially increase the threat of terrorism. Both branches of Islam would be trying to show that they are chosen heirs of Mohammed and would consequently wish to destroy as many American and Israeli targets as possible in order to gain bragging rights within the Middle Eastern community. It would amount to a very deadly PR war in which Al Qaeda (a Sunni organization) has already won the first round with its famous attacks on 9/11.

The only way possible to avoid such a bleak future is to regain stability in Iraq. In order to do that, we need more troops on the ground to get the job done. If the administration has the courage to request roughly 45,000 more troops and Congress is able to put partisan politics aside in order to avert the single greatest foreign policy calamity in American history, we may yet avoid wholesale slaughter in the region. However, the point is fast approaching where we will no longer have any control over events in the most strategic region on earth. Europe paid the price of global war on an unintelligible level twice during the 20th century. If we do not get our act together very quickly, future generations to come will be paying the price for our abdication of responsibility, principle, and ultimately humanity in the Middle East.

2007-04-29T21:25:00.000-04:00

Just dropped all my mezuzos @ the sofer. I'll let you know if he finds anything.
The car is smashed up but Mrs Chainik won't let me post pics.

Dancing Hasidic Jews

2007-04-29T20:50:00.001-04:00

Dancing Na Nachs in Times Square. Interesting.

I've had a long day, I need to be entertained.

2007-04-29T18:54:00.001-04:00

Update: the mechanic doesn't know if he can save my car bu seems optimistic. I'll post pics when i get home.

2007-04-29T16:09:00.001-04:00

The good news: Mrs Chainik and Chainik 2.0 are ok, B'H. The bad news: the Chainikmobile is totalled. I'm on my cellphone, more details soon.

Announcing Chainik 2.0

2007-04-28T22:44:00.000-04:00

The Chainik Hocker Corporation (Chainik and Mrs. Chainik) wish to announce the beta release of Chainik 2.0, with a projected global release date of November 2007.

I am terrified and exhilarated.

Friday morning, Mrs Chainik and I visited our local OBGYN. Using a device that looked like a Playskool Sing With Me Karaoke machine, we listened to the baby's heartbeat for the first time.

First we heard a slow, steady whoosh... whoosh.... whoosh sound. "That's you, Mom" said the Doctor, who looked and sounded way too much like Sarah Silverman for my comfort. It took quite a while for her to find the baby's heartbeat, which concerned the Mrs and myself. "Takes a while to find the baby" said Dr. Silverman (not her name but that's what I'm going to call her and if she doesn't like it she can start her own blog). "The baby keeps moving." Just like its father, I told Mrs Chainik later.

Then we heard it. WishWishWishWishWishWishWish!

I choked up, I really did. I found it a little hard to catch my breath. That's my baby! I looked at Mrs Chainik and she squeezed my hand, and I tried to say something but no words came out of my mouth. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I am not often speechless.

It was a combination of awe and fear. It really hit me. We've known for two months that Mrs Chainik is expecting, and we got a sonogram picture last month, but it was never really real until that second.

Wow. Wow.

Wow.

Even now, I don't quite know what to say.

Wow!

Democracy is survival of the craziest.

2007-04-26T17:27:00.000-04:00

With less than a year and a half to go to Super Duper Extra Special Super Happy Fun Tuesday, the day when all the states except New Hampshire and Illinois get to vote on who will be America's Next Top Model, if I understand this here New York Times editorial right, I think that it behooves us, as a nation, and also, by the same token, as a blog, to get to the end of this sentence and pick a President.

You may be wondering, who will Chainik decide to vote for? You may ask yourself, who is Keith Olbermann going to punch? You may ask yourself, did Hillary know what she was starting, announcing her candidacy so early? You may ask yourself, what brand of whitening toothpaste does Obama use?

Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was.

Now, in order to decide who to vote for, as opposed to just picking a name at random based on campaign commercials which strongly imply that if you vote for the other guy you're voting for a Communist who advocates the hunting of schoolchildren for sport, you have to think back to a time before last Tuesday. You have to think, who did I vote for last time? Then you have to ask yourself, did that person do a good job?

I personally voted for the candidate who promised to kill the most terrorists. Yet, to my chagrin and disappointment, here we are three years or so later and there are terrorists out there who are still not dead. This makes me mad. I pay a lot of taxes and I expect to see dead terrorists in return. And maybe some pothole repair.

That is why I am voting for the candidate who has promised to murder terrorists personally. I am talking of course, of Hizzoner Rudy Guiliani, the Mayor of 9/11.

Rudy ready for action!

Rudy Giuliani told this blog in an exclusive interview, that if elected, he would "personally murder at least three terrorists a week, live on TV" when not preforming the other duties of the office of President of the United States of America, such as judging the Miss USA pageant, playing quarterback for the New York Yankees during the Superbowl, and making fun of the French.

Mayor Giuliani brandished the ceremonial New York City Mayoral Tire Iron as he described to this blogger just how he would use the tire iron, symbolic of the toughness of New York City, to "drive America's enemies before me, crush them, and hear the lamentation of their women". When asked how this would effect the war for oil, he explained patiently that "a war with a base objective, a, ah, motive based on financial gain, takes away from the purity and the, the sheer beauty of death in battle". When asked why he still had the tire iron, which technically belongs to the current mayor of New York, Mayor Mike, Giuliani said that he would gladly return it but "Mike's too scared to ask for it back, and, you know, I've kind of gotten used to having it around. Makes dealing with the press a lot easier".

Mayor (later Governor) DeWitt Clinton with the Mayor's Tire Iron in 1537 (source: The New York Post )

Fly the Unfriendly Skies.

2007-04-26T09:42:00.000-04:00

Pilot: For those of you seated on the left, if you look out of your window you can see the beautiful Manhattan skyline. For those seated on the right... thank you for flying United.

--Flight to Newark

Overheard by: will

Captain: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I'm your captain, James T. Kirk, and today I'll be assisted by my copilot, Ricky Bobby.

--JetBlue flight, JFK

Overheard by: jewish girl

Flight attendant: Welcome to New York's LaGuardia airport, where the local time is way too early in the morning!

--Red-eye flight from Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Overheard by: Johanna Cipolla

Female flight attendant: In response to the many requests about what in-flight movies will be playing I have decided to make a public announcement: we are playing Gone with the Wind, and you are all free to sit on the wing to watch it. There is one oxygen mask per seat, and two in the bathroom. Why there are two in the bathroom -- your guess is as good as mine. Thank you, and have a pleasant flight.

--Southwest flight to JFK

Flight attendant on PA: Be careful when opening the overhead bins. Items can shift during flight and fall on you, or even, God forbid, me.

Overheard by: Earthborn

--American Airlines flight, JFK

Flight attendant: Please take out the safety cards in your seat's back pocket and pretend to follow along.

--United flight 7418, LaGuardia

Overheard by: Natalya Petrovna

Flight attendant: Thank you for listening to the safety announcement for this Boeing 777 service to Atlanta... [Proceeds in low whisper] Go to sleep. Go to sleep. You don't want any beverages. Close your eyes and sleeep...

--Red-eye flight, LaGuardia

Overheard by: Drewp

via Overheard in New York, Apr 25, 2007

Stopping the next pandemic before it starts.

2007-04-26T09:32:00.001-04:00

Interesting stuff from Wired. This scientist guy wants to track epidemics in the jungles of Whoknowswhere and the rain forests of Yougottabekiddinme before they hit civilization.

Mrs Chainik has been studying to be a medical assistant. As a training tool for the "don't do anything stupid or you'll get a horrible disease and die" module, they watched the Dustin Hoffman- Morgan Freeman- Ross's monkey medical thriller Outbreak. That night we went to Walgrens and bought a big bottle of hand sanitizer and a little keychain full of hand sanitizer and some Lysol.

Mrs. Chainik is funny.

H/T Instapundit.

clipped from www.wired.com

HIV, Ebola, SARS — any of the world's most horrifying diseases are caused by animal viruses that made the jump to humans. Now a UCLA scientist thinks he can stop the next pandemic before it even starts.

Today it may seem like the only opportunity to contain HIV came after its discovery in the 1980s. But what if the disease, which has infected or killed an estimated 63 million people, could have been stopped decades earlier? What if that hunter had carried the chimpanzee more carefully that day? For Nathan Wolfe, a biologist at UCLA and head of the project sponsoring Akem's data-gathering, those are the kinds of questions to build a career upon. "Very few people ask whether we could have prevented HIV," Wolfe told me over beers one night last fall in Yaound , the capital of Cameroon. "That's what I encourage people in my lab to think about."

Amerikkka's slow inexorable decent into fascism set into motion by Chimpy McBushHalliburtonFlightsuitHitler: Al-Guardian.

2007-04-25T19:14:00.001-04:00

Strong stuff from the Al-Guardian. Whackjob America-haters are really reaching for straws nowadays. I like Ace's take on it.

clipped from ace.mu.nu

It's just a triple decker sandwich of spiced stupid with stupid cheese smothered in stupid-sauce on whole stupid bread with a side of stupid-fries and stupid a la mode for dessert.

clipped from www.guardian.co.uk

Fascist America, in 10 easy steps

From Hitler to Pinochet and beyond, history shows there are certain steps that any would-be dictator must take to destroy constitutional freedoms. And, argues Naomi Wolf, George Bush and his administration seem to be taking them all

Which way do I go, which way do I go?

2007-04-25T08:53:00.001-04:00

If not for my Garmin, I'd be lost a lot more often than I am. Unfortunately, here in Lakewood NJ, they are building faster than the map people can draw. I hate going to a customer and the thing says "Driving off map!!!" in a panic, like my GPS unit is actually sentient and doesn't want to die because it's stuck to the windshield of some moron who's just driven into the woods.

I know for a fact that my GPS is self aware by the smug and condescending tone of voice it uses when it tells me how big a moron I am for making a wrong turn anyway despite its best efforts. It sounds like Alfred when Bruce Wayne comes back to the Batcave with his Batsuit in tatters and the Batmobile is smoking and the Batsciatica is acting up again.

Maybe we could give all GPS units little arms so they can steer the car themselves and little legs so they can jump out of cars being driven into the woods by an achy Batman. I don't know how it would work with the Three Laws but the Garmins sure would appreciate it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make a left turn onto UNKNOWN

Hungry for chometz.

2007-04-25T00:32:00.000-04:00

Testing out Picassa. So far I'm unhappy with Blogger and photoblogging. Picassa took twice as long to set up this post as I did the previous post. I do like Picassa's photo editing features.

Anyway, this is Tov Pizza, Baltimore MD, after Pesach, from my cellphone. I cleaned the picture up a bit.

My new hobby.

2007-04-25T00:05:00.000-04:00

I've purchased a digital camera and have been since been taking pictures of random junk. Like this picture I took over Chol Hamoed Pesach. Mrs. Chainik and I went to Washington D.C. to see if the gubmint still needed my money or if I could have some of it back. We walked past the US Navy Memorial, where this dude was looking for his boat.
I am still unsure whether this thing is supposed to be silly or poignant or both.

Then there was the duck.
I took the picture primarily to play with the zoom function, but I'm happy with he composition, I think.
I didn't even know Washington D.C. had a Chinatown.

Pope Catholic; Bears still looking for place to poop- Rueters

2007-04-24T18:23:00.001-04:00

Interesting.

clipped from news.yahoo.com

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - The Vatican's second-highest
ranking doctrinal official on Monday forcefully branded
homosexual marriage an evil and denounced abortion and
euthanasia as forms of "terrorism with a human face."

He listed these as abortion clinics, which he called
"slaughterhouses of human beings," euthanasia, and "parliaments
of so-called civilized nations where laws contrary to the
nature of the human being are being promulgated, such as the
approval of marriage between people of the same sex ..."

Amato, who is said to be very close to Pope Benedict,
criticized the media's coverage of ethical issues.

After denouncing "abominable terrorism" such as that
carried out by suicide bombers, he condemned what he called
"terrorism with a human face," and accused the media of
manipulating language "to hide the tragic reality of the
facts."

Watch this space.

2007-04-24T17:45:00.000-04:00

Big announcement coming next week! Really! I swear!

Hello?

Ned Lamont and Iraq

2006-09-15T22:25:00.000-04:00

Ned Lamont’s victory in last month’s Democratic Primary is only the most recent success for the growing anti-war faction. This coalition’s only real common bond seems to be an intrinsic and complete loathing of President Bush and those associated with him. Unfortunately, this hatred has focused itself on an unlikely victim, Senator Joseph Lieberman, who was defeated by Lamont in the Democratic Primary last August. While Senator Lieberman is running on an independent ticket in November and will probably be reelected, Lamont’s victory is a disturbing harbinger of things to come.

Lamont’s essential campaign message is that Senator Lieberman does not accurately represent the people of Connecticut—solely because of the Senator’s support for the Iraq war and his perceived closeness to the administration. Essentially, Lamont is getting Connecticut voters to vote against President Bush by voting against Joe Lieberman. Not only is this a decidedly poor way to choose between candidates for political office, it is indicative of the fundamental danger of Lamont’s siren song. The problem is that Lamont and his wing of the Democratic Party have, in their hatred of President Bush, transcended all levels of political competition and embraced a sort of self-delusional nihilism that is predicated upon sheer contempt for one man. This does not make for good political philosophy, and more importantly, it does not make for good governance.

In 1964, Republican voters endorsed Arizona conservative Barry Goldwater as their party’s candidate for President over the Northeastern liberal Nelson Rockefeller. The primary marked a genuine ideological shift, with Republicans almost universally embracing conservatism to the exclusion of the leftover remnants of the progressive Republican titans such as Rockefeller. While Goldwater lost the election of 1964 to Lyndon Johnson, his campaign helped pave the way for Ronald Reagan and the resurgence of conservatism in the second half of the twentieth century. It was the defining moment of the Republican Party and forced Republicans to permanently commit to a conservative agenda.

Forty years later, Mr. Lamont’s supporters no doubt hope to pull off such a revolutionary party movement, with the ultimate goal being a Democratic Party united on an anti-war ticket. Unfortunately, unlike the Goldwater partisans, Lamont does not have a coherent ideological message. Lamont simply wants to eliminate all traces of George W. Bush from government, no matter whom he destroys in order to accomplish this. It is this nihilistic nature of the Lamont campaign that makes it so dangerous. Like any demagogue, Lamont has his own popular appeal. He can offer Connecticut voters what they seem to want—a purging of the pro-Bush faction. Regardless of one’s feelings about the President, an honest account of the possible consequences of a widespread victory for men like Ned Lamont is in order.

Most obviously, a Senator Lamont would vote to “redeploy” (he means retreat) out of Iraq. With potential Democratic takeovers in the House and Senate, the possibility of such a vote is quite real. Blinded by their fundamental hatred of an American President and the war that has come to define his Presidency, Lamont and his cohorts would orchestrate the single greatest foreign policy catastrophe in American history. The withdrawal of American forces from Iraq before a stable and secure Iraqi democracy was created would sentence the Iraqi people to endless sectarian strife. Moreover, the Shiites would look towards a new state sponsor to provide support for their government—and choose their Shiite brothers in Iran. Thusly, Iraq would become a proxy state of the world’s foremost sponsor of terrorism and would provide integral resources and arms for the world’s most dangerous terrorist groups such as Hezbollah. Essentially, Iraq would become another Afghanistan pre-liberation in 2001, and in ten or so years, we’d have to go back in to clear out a Taliban-style government. We can get the job done in Iraq now or we can pay the price for a generation.

Certainly, the administration needs to do more to improve the situation on the ground. While many strategic decisions have proven incorrect, the fog of war does not allow for perfect wars. However, one must keep in mind that Americans have always faced adversity. If not for a Christmas miracle at Trenton, Washington’s Continental Army never would have made it to the endgame outside Yorktown. Lincoln was one afternoon in July 1863 away from losing the Civil War, and Eisenhower nearly declared defeat after the first several waves at Omaha Beach. American military history is filled with catastrophic setbacks that we were always able—and more importantly, willing—to overcome. In comparison, the blunders seen in Iraq are rather insignificant and are easily surmounted—if we just have the will to wage a war for our own survival against the forces of global jihad. Unfortunately, men like Ned Lamont will never understand this and will do whatever they see necessary to take a ceremonial slap at the President.

At the close of the Boer War, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle remarked, “The deepest instincts of the nation told it that it must fight and win, or forever abdicate its position in the world. Through dark days which brought out the virtues of our [nation] as nothing has done in our generation, we struggled grimly on until the light had fully broken once again.” Are we willing to struggle grimly on?

Set course for matrimony. Engage!

2006-08-09T13:05:00.000-04:00

You, my brown eyed girl.

2006-08-07T23:07:00.000-04:00

I turned to her and said, “Will you marry me”?

And she said yes.

I am still in a state of shock. I simply cannot believe that such an otherwise intelligent, level-headed, beautiful person would agree to such an outlandish scheme.

I’d write more, but I am feeling a little dizzy.

Watch this space for updates.

In the meantime, this is The Chainik Hocker saying: yay!

Na nach Nasrallah.

2006-08-06T03:01:00.000-04:00

Awseome video of Breslovers dancing with soldiers at the front lines.

They stuck a Na Nach sticker on an artillery shell!

If anyone speaks Portugese I'd love a translation.

Chaptzem has exclusive pictures of Lubavitch at the front.

Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

2006-07-27T22:29:00.000-04:00

I know I haven't been blogging much.

I am on the cusp of a life changing event.

I can't tell you what it is, but believe you me- momentous.

I haven't slept properly in, like, weeks.

I have in my possesion, now, an object which cost me almost 4 times what car did (a 2001 Camry with a bazillion miles on it, so it isn't that much money- still, the most money I've ever spent at once).

I spend all my time wanting either to dance or throw up ('dance' usually wins).

I ca't even argue with idiots on the interwebs about politics, a passion which used to take all my free time.

I'll be less enigmatic on August 7th, because I gotta wait till then and therefore so do you, faithful reader.

Until then, this is Chainik Hocker saying: homina homina homina homina homina homina.

The matziv is mamesh shver, rabosai. Hashem yishmor.

2006-07-13T22:00:00.000-04:00

I know I don't usually Jblog, but this is too much. Both Russia and France celebrated Shiv'ah Asar b'Tammuz by kvetching that the attacks against Lebanon were a "disproportionate act of war". Meanwhile, one woman was killed in Nahariya by a katushya.

Life-Of-Rubin asks that we all pray, and posts this kapitel tehillim:

I have dozens of friends and relatives in harm's way tonight. I'll be davening, and I hope you will too.

Rumsfeld arrives in Afghanistan; 30 Taliban killed

2006-07-11T19:00:00.000-04:00

Headline from Yahoo News.

At a press conference, Secretary Rumsfeld said "How about that, eh? Eh? Thirty, by gum! Not bad for a 72 year old man, eh? Eh? Bare hands, too! No strangling gloves or nothing! It's my birthday present for Dubya. Happy sixtieth, Mr. President!"

When asked if he'd lost his cotton-pickin mind, The Secretary of Defense stated "In my day, a cabinet member murdering the enemies of our country wasn't actually quite this newsworthy an event, ya know.

I recall as a boy hearing the bloodcurdling screams of Nazi U Boat crews being dragged from their ships in the middle of the night by an enraged Franklin Roosevelt. He’d paddle his wheelchair into the Atlantic Ocean, smelling for Nazi. And then, like some Lovecraftian nightmare, he’d latch onto the side of a submarine, tear it open like a soda can, disembowel the sailors, drink their blood, and eat their intestines. That’s what gave him strength, you know.

Then some pinko bleeding heart fellow traveler comsymp wuss decided it might make bad propaganda, having an insane cannibal monster running the country… poor Franklin couldn’t feast on the living bodies of his enemies, anymore. Poor man just wasted away.

Fortunately his right hand man was crazy as he was. This is back in the day when Democrats were allowed to have cojones and were allowed to love their country. Nowadays, of course, we have Zoloft and stem cell research…”

Mr. Rumsfeld then stared off into space for several minutes. One of the reporters at the press conference finally worked up the courage to ask if it wasn’t beneath the Secretary of Defense’s dignity to engage in active murder while in office. Mr. Rumsfeld rerplied “I’m going to tell you exactly what I told Colin Powell. If you call me the Secretary of Defense one more time I am going to kill you, your family, your friends, your pets, your casual acquaintances, everyone on your IM buddy list, and all your MySpace friends. I. Am. The. Secretary. Of. War! NOT THE SECRETARY OF DEFENCE! ONLY WIMPY CRYBABY NATIONS LIKE FRANCE HAS SECRETARIES OF DEFENCE RRAAAAAAAGGGGHHH! RUMSFELD MAD! RUMSFELD SMASH!”

The press conference broke up soon after that.

And Tiny Tim Wept.

2006-07-09T02:48:00.000-04:00

Here we are now. Entertain us.

New Slogan Time.

2006-07-03T01:04:00.000-04:00

Out Of The Strong Came Forth Chainik.

Check out Sloganizer.

H/T Ahistoricality.

I'm thinking of changing "the chair is against the wall" for my tagline, except I still get a good three hits a month from people Googling it, and three hits a month is nothing to sneeze at, for me.

So, blog contest. Whta shall I change my tagline to? Shall it be changed at all?

Extra special bonus points if you can identify the source for "the chair is against the wall". No fair Googling.

Internet wierdness

2006-07-02T01:12:00.000-04:00

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.....